fear of being judged essay

Home — Essay Samples — Life — Fear — The Fear of Being Judged in My Life

The Fear of Being Judged in My Life

Categories: Fear Personal Beliefs

About this sample

Words: 790 |

Updated: 15 November, 2023

Words: 790 | Pages: 2 | 4 min read

Works Cited

Alden, L. E., Taylor, C. T., & Mellings, T. M. (2008). Social anxiety and the interpretation of positive social events. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 22(4), 577-590.
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). American Psychiatric Publishing.
Crozier, W. R., & Alden, L. E. (Eds.). (2011). International handbook of social anxiety : Concepts, research, and interventions relating to the self and shyness. John Wiley & Sons.
Hofmann, S. G. (2007). Cognitive factors that maintain social anxiety disorder: A comprehensive model and its treatment implications. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 36(4), 193-209.
La Greca, A. M., & Lopez, N. (2008). Social anxiety among adolescents: Linkages with peer relations and friendships. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 36(3), 395-409.
Leary, M. R. (2012). Social anxiety as an early warning system: A refinement and extension of the self-presentation theory of social anxiety. In L. A. Schmidt & W. B. Bard (Eds.), The Social Psychology of Communication (pp. 23-40). Psychology Press.
Rapee, R. M., & Heimberg, R. G. (Eds.). (1997). Social phobia: Diagnosis, assessment, and treatment. Guilford Press.
Stopa, L., & Clark, D. M. (2000). Social phobia and interpretation of social events. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 38(3), 273-283.
Vriends, N., Becker, E. S., Meyer, A., & Michael, T. (2007). Social anxiety and overgeneralization of social events in adolescents. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 38(3), 304-313.
Weeks, J. W., Heimberg, R. G., & Rodebaugh, T. L. (2008). The fear of positive evaluation scale: Assessing a proposed cognitive component of social anxiety. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 22(1), 44-55.

Video Version

Cite this Essay

To export a reference to this article please select a referencing style below:

Let us write you an essay from scratch

450+ experts on 30 subjects ready to help
Custom essay delivered in as few as 3 hours

Get high-quality help

Verified writer

Expert in: Life

+ 120 experts online

By clicking “Check Writers’ Offers”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy . We’ll occasionally send you promo and account related email

No need to pay just yet!

Related Essays

3 pages / 1215 words

2 pages / 839 words

4 pages / 2001 words

1 pages / 1030 words

Remember! This is just a sample.

You can get your custom paper by one of our expert writers.

121 writers online

The Fear of Being Judged in My Life Essay

Still can’t find what you need?

Browse our vast selection of original essay samples, each expertly formatted and styled

Related Essays on Fear

I was 18 years old when I got married and I belong to a very conservative family, a family where good daughters never say “NO” to their parents. My father wants to me to get married and all I said was if that makes you happy [...]

Fear and confusion are two powerful emotions that can have a significant impact on an individual's behavior and decision-making process. While fear is an emotion triggered by a perceived threat or danger, confusion arises from a [...]

Phobias are more than just fleeting fears; they are intense, irrational fears of specific objects or situations that can significantly impact an individual's daily life. These psychological conditions can range from the common, [...]

In the short story "Lusus Naturae" by Margaret Atwood, we are introduced to a young girl who is plagued by a mysterious and debilitating illness that causes her to become an outcast in her own family and community. As we delve [...]

It is undeniable that people are motivated by many different things, yet fear is one of the most powerful motivators there is. Fear is the natural instinct that helped humans through their evolution. Today, people don’t have to [...]

In conclusion, while set in a specific historical context, The Crucible remains relevant in the 21st century due to its exploration of timeless themes such as the dangers of unchecked power, the role of fear in society, and the [...]

Get Your Personalized Essay in 3 Hours or Less!

We use cookies to personalyze your web-site experience. By continuing we’ll assume you board with our cookie policy .

Instructions Followed To The Letter
Deadlines Met At Every Stage
Unique And Plagiarism Free

Fear of judgement: why we are afraid of being judged

Dr. Hannah Rose

If you have ever worried that poor performance in an evaluation will lead to a friend or colleague developing a negative opinion of you, then you are not alone. Fear of judgement by others is common.

Athletes may fear judgement if they do not win a race, students may dread the disappointment of others upon failing an exam, and professionals may worry that a work project will be criticised.

Psychologists refer to these feelings as a “fear of negative evaluation.” Let’s have a look at why we worry about what others think of us, and how we can better manage our fear of being judged.

A fear of negative evaluation

In evolutionary terms, a fear of judgement makes sense as relating to the need to survive in society. For our ancestors, being evaluated favourably, rather than judged for any shortcomings, would have meant a higher chance of survival. Think about it: even today, success at work propagates a career, whereas poor performance may put you at risk of redundancy or loss of income.

It turns out, this fear of judgement can actually be measured. In their seminal study , David Watson and Ronald Friend developed the Fear of Negative Evaluation Scale (FNE) to assess levels of social anxiety. Watson and Friend’s FNE assessment requires a participant to answer “true” or “false” to thirty statements. The total score indicates whether someone is mostly relaxed, has some fear of evaluative situations, or is generally fearful of what others think of them.

Questions in the FNE scale include:

I often worry that people who are important to me won’t think very much of me.
I worry about what people will think of me even when I know it doesn’t make any difference.
I feel very upset when I commit some social error.
If someone is evaluating me, I tend to expect the worst.
I worry a lot about what my superiors think of me.

In 1983, a brief version of the FNE assessment — aptly called the “Brief FNE” — was created by Mark Leary, Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at Duke University. Featuring just twelve statements, it offers a more succinct way to measure social anxiety. As with the original FNE scale, higher overall score indicates that you are more fearful of others judging your ability or performance.

Knowing where you lie on the scale is helpful, as your score can indicate how well you are able to judge your own talent. For instance, researchers reported that a high FNE score was more likely to lead an individual to perceive their attempt at public speaking as poor.

Feeling fearful of negative evaluation by others causes a speaker to focus on their awkward appearance or the number of long gaps in their speech. Positive aspects of the performance, such as appearing confident or self-assured, were more commonly overlooked by this group. Understanding that a high FNE may cause internal negative bias can therefore be helpful in assuaging any doubts you might have about your ability.

Furthermore, psychologists have found that having a high FNE score can negatively affect your performance. In 2012, Christopher Mesagnoa, Jack Harveya, and Christopher Janelle conducted a study with experienced basketball players. They found that players who scored highly on the Brief FNE questionnaire displayed increased anxiety that translated into a significant decrease in performance in a high-pressure shooting situation. The researchers concluded that the fear of performing badly can unfortunately increase the chance of poor performance.

In 2015, psychologists in India reported that students were likely to perform worse when fear of negative evaluation or high levels of anxiety were present. Poor presentation was then noted to cause observers to develop negative feelings towards the performer, worsening their feelings of rejection. This instigated a vicious cycle of worsening anxiety and performance. Crucially, the study notes that it is possible to break this cycle if subjects can develop methods to improve their outward social performance.

Overcoming fear of judgement

As fear of negative evaluation can worsen your performance, it is important to find ways to manage your anxiety of being judged.

1. Find out about yourself

The first step in overcoming fear of judgement is to find out more about yourself. Fear is a human emotion designed to protect us from harm, but once it starts having a detrimental effect on your performance, you need to take control. Acknowledge that you might have some anxiety, and find out where you are on the FNE scale. If you have an average or high score, chances are you have some fear or apprehension about evaluative situations and how others perceive you as a result.

2. Write affirmations

If the FNE has confirmed that you have some fear of judgement, it is time to work on cultivating positivity. Research suggests that Writing affirmations can help to restore self-confidence and feelings of self-worth. By recognising your own qualities, you may be better placed to relieve anxieties about what others think of you. If you are confident in yourself, your abilities, and your performance, what others think is far less likely to matter.

3. Turn down fear

Once you have your affirmations in place, try to let go of memories of previous social judgement. If you still feel shame about an incorrect or poorly perceived contribution to a team meeting, it is time to stop dwelling on it. The remark might be holding you back, but it is likely that everyone else forgot about it months ago. Move on, and try to start afresh so that the past no longer affects your future.

4. Start saying yes

If anxiety has been holding you back, it will not improve if you continue to avoid anxiety-provoking situations. Agree to introduce a guest speaker, give a new colleague a tour of the office, or enrol on a professional qualification course. Start small, and as your experiences grow, so will your confidence.

5. Get it over with

Waiting to give a presentation can be excruciating. The study of students in India found that although anxiety was high before and during a speech, this emotion often faded as soon as the speech ended. Offering to present first means you will feel anxious for the shortest time possible.

6. Perform with confidence

As we saw earlier, if your FNE is high, your presentation skills are likely to be better than you give yourself credit for. If you can ignore your inner critic so that your performance is not affected, others are more likely to perceive your presentation positively, breaking the cycle of poor performance. Use your affirmations to solidify your personal belief that you know what you are doing, and are capable of succeeding. Trust in your abilities, and your audience will, too.

7. Make a personal investment

Investing in yourself is key to minimising your fear of judgement. Take a public speaking course, meet with a career coach, or sign up for a gym membership. Think about what will make you feel better about yourself to instil confidence and belief in your talents. For example, undergoing a course of CBT with a therapist has been shown to be particularly helpful in reducing social anxiety which may in turn reduce your fear of being evaluated negatively.

Fear of judgement is common, but it can make you doubt your ability and worsen your performance. Self-assessment of your social anxiety levels using the FNE scale will help you to understand how significantly that fear of negative evaluation is affecting your personal and professional life. Work on building self-belief, and try to nurture your self-confidence. Even though you might feel anxious, it is likely that you are performing more successfully than you think you are.

Join 100,000 mindful makers!

Ness Labs is a weekly newsletter with science-based insights on creativity, mindful productivity, better thinking and lifelong learning.

One email a week, no spam, ever. See our Privacy policy .

Don’t work more. Work mindfully.

Ness Labs provides content, coaching, courses and community to help makers put their minds at work. Apply evidence-based strategies to your daily life, discover the latest in neuroscience research, and connect with fellow mindful makers.

If you have ADHD or think you might: The A.D.D. Resource Center can help!

Confronting the Fear of Being Judged: A Step-by-Step Approach

Social anxiety disorder, often manifested as a fear of being judged, significantly disrupts daily life and affects approximately one in ten individuals at some stage, frequently commencing in youth or early adulthood [1]. Symptoms of this distressing condition include debilitating pre-event anxiety, persistent worry over self-presentation, and the avoidance of everyday activities due to insecurity and self-doubt [1]. Understanding what causes fear of being judged and recognizing its roots in complex factors such as genetics, personality, and past experiences, including overcritical or overprotective parenting, is essential for addressing social phobia and learning how to overcome fear of being judged by others [1]. The following sections will offer strategies aimed at conquering this form of social anxiety and fostering confidence in interpersonal interactions.

Understanding the Roots of Judgment Concern

Fear of judgment often has its roots in early childhood experiences, where gaining approval from authority figures like parents, teachers, and peers was crucial [2]. This need for acceptance can lead to developing a critical inner voice that perpetuates feelings of inadequacy, causing individuals to believe they are not smart or competent enough [2].

Societal Conditioning : From a young age, individuals are evaluated and graded, conditioning them to fear judgment and seek approval as a means of survival [2].
Inner Critic : A harsh inner voice reinforces the fear of judgment, making people feel less intelligent or capable [2].
Survival Mechanism : The need to avoid criticism and negative judgment is tied to a primal need for survival within society [3]. The fear of being judged extends to various aspects of life, including sports, public speaking, and personal relationships, and is formally recognized as “fear of negative evaluation” [3]. This anxiety can lead to significant distress and avoidance behaviors, impacting one’s quality of life [3].
Impact on Performance : High levels of fear of negative evaluation can hinder performance in public settings, such as speaking or sports [3].
Measurement of Anxiety : The Fear of Negative Evaluation Scale (FNE), developed by Watson and Friend in 1969, is a tool used to assess the severity of social anxiety related to this fear [3]. Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) is a prevalent mental health condition where the fear of judgment is a prominent symptom [4]. People with SAD might appear shy, withdrawn, or unfriendly, but these outward signs don’t always reflect the internal struggle with social anxiety [4].
Shyness vs. SAD : While shyness can be an indicator of SAD, not all shy individuals have the disorder, and not all people with SAD were shy in childhood [4].
Clinical Diagnosis : Adults experiencing social anxiety for six months or more may be diagnosed with SAD, highlighting the chronic nature of this condition [4]. Understanding these roots can help in developing strategies to overcome the fear of judgment and improve social interactions and self-perception [2][3][4].

Strategies for Overcoming the Fear of Judgment

Speak to yourself with kindness, replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations that reinforce your self-worth and capabilities [2].
Seek objective feedback from trusted friends or colleagues. Recognizing that we often judge ourselves more harshly than others do, use this feedback to build a more balanced self-view [2].
Understand that everyone makes mistakes and that they are temporary; remember that people’s judgments and impressions are not permanent and will eventually fade [2].
Embrace the reality that you cannot control others’ judgments; focus on surrounding yourself with supportive individuals who value you for who you are [2].
Acknowledge your humanity and imperfection, take risks, and view mistakes as learning opportunities rather than failures [2].
If self-help strategies are not enough, consider professional support from a coach or therapist to build self-esteem and self-belief [2].
Practice assertive communication to grow your confidence in expressing your thoughts and needs [2].
Gradually expose yourself to anxiety-inducing situations by saying yes to new experiences, which can help build resilience and reduce the fear of judgment [3].
Trust in your abilities and perform with confidence by using affirmations to strengthen your belief in your talents [3].
Invest in personal development through courses or fitness programs to enhance self-belief and confidence in your abilities [3].
Recognize that people are often too preoccupied with their own lives to judge you harshly; many judgments are baseless and unfounded [5].
Accept that judgment is often rooted in fear; prioritize self-acceptance and self-improvement over worrying about others’ opinions [6].
Be aware of the negative self-perception bias that can result from high Fear of Negative Evaluation (FNE) scores, which can overshadow your performance’s positive aspects [3].
Explore coping strategies like joining communities focused on mindful productivity, engaging in mental health activities, and attending support groups for additional strategies to manage the fear of judgment [3].
Consider hypnotherapy as a long-term approach to address the underlying causes of the fear of being judged and to promote self-acceptance [7].
Utilize support groups, cognitive restructuring, and mindfulness techniques to manage symptoms of social anxiety disorder effectively [4].
Online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can offer a convenient and accessible treatment for SAD, particularly for those who have a fear of social interactions [4].
Finally, understand that negative criticism often reflects the critic’s insecurities, which can help you deal with unfair judgments more effectively [2].

Navigating through the challenges of social anxiety and the fear of being judged necessitates a compassionate approach toward oneself and a willingness to engage in personal growth. The strategies outlined in this article—from harnessing the power of positive self-talk to seeking professional guidance—provide a framework for reducing anxiety and enhancing self-esteem. They remind us that self-compassion and assertive communication are key to breaking the cycle of fear and negative self-evaluation that can impede our fullest expression in social settings. Embracing these practices can lead to more meaningful interpersonal relationships and greater personal accomplishment. While the journey to overcoming social phobia is deeply personal, it is also one that does not have to be walked alone. For ongoing support and further resources, consider exploring the beneficial insights offered at our support hub, where community and expert advice can help you take confident steps toward a life free from the shadow of judgment.

1. What strategies can help overcome the fear of being judged? To overcome the fear of being judged, it’s important to start with self-discovery. Learn more about who you are and what you value. Writing affirmations can reinforce positive self-perception. Practice turning down the volume on your fear and saying ‘yes’ to opportunities that scare you. Tackle the issue head-on, perform tasks confidently, and commit to growth and self-improvement. 2. What are effective ways to confront your fears? Confronting your fears involves several steps. Begin by acknowledging your physical reactions and behaviors when faced with fear. Shift your perspective on fear to see it as something manageable. Break down your fears into smaller, more manageable parts and rate them in terms of intensity. Start dealing with the least scary situations first. Find a store nearby and ask for change. Allow yourself to experience fear without judgment, and gradually work your way up to more challenging situations, taking care not to rush the process. 3. How can you cope with being judged by others? Coping with judgment from others involves several approaches. Recognize that another person’s judgment often reflects their own issues, not yours. Avoid responding in kind with judgmental behavior. Be aware of your own tendencies to judge and work on being more accepting. Don’t become defensive when judged. Try to understand the other person’s background and the influences that shape their views. Spend less time with those who judge you harshly, reframe their judgments in a less personal way, and if necessary, address their behavior directly. 4. How can you shift from judging to assessing in your interactions? To shift from judging to assessing, cultivate a sense of curiosity, and ask questions to understand situations better. Express your observations and experiences in a neutral way, using specific examples rather than making generalized statements about someone’s character. Clearly articulate your own perspectives, needs, and desires without casting judgment.

[1] – https://minddoc.de/magazin/en/social-anxiety-disorder/ [2] – https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/5-key-tips-overcome-fear-judgment-marie-stephenson [3] – https://nesslabs.com/fear-of-judgement [4] – https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/what-can-you-do-if-you-live-in-fear-of-being-judged/ [5] – https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-get-over-the-fear-of-judgment [6] – https://jennarainey.com/overcoming-the-fear-of-judgment-tips-and-strategies-to-embrace-authentic-self-expression/ [7] – https://alixneedham.com/fears-phobias/coping-with-a-fear-of-being-judged/ [8] – https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/22709-social-anxiety

Hal Meyer and the ADD Resource Center have been providing ADHD Coaching services specially designed to empower adolescents, adults, couples, and their loved ones in managing ADHD symptoms and reaching their full potential. They have the expertise to provide personalized guidance and unwavering support on your journey to success. Take charge of your life and unlock your true capabilities with our specialized coaching services tailored to address your unique needs.

Harold Robert Meyer /The ADD Resource Center http://www.addrc.org/ 646/205.8080 03/10/2024

Privacy Overview

We know it's sometimes hard to figure out what questions to ask. So let us call you to chat about coaching.

" * " indicates required fields

Coaching is great to learn to manage ADHD symptoms.

How to Overcome Your Fear of Being Judged

“I want to connect to people and make friends, but I feel like everyone is judging me. I feel judged by my family as well as by society. I hate being judged. It makes me not want to talk to anyone at all. How do I get over my fear of being judged?”

We all want to be liked. When we feel like someone is looking down at us, we usually feel embarrassment, shame, and wonder if something is wrong with us. Most people sometimes worry about feeling judged.

However, if we let our fear of judgement stop us from opening up, we don’t give people the opportunity to like us for who we are.

I know how feeling judged by people can completely paralyze you and dump your self-esteem.

Over the years, I’ve learned strategies for how to overcome feeling judged—both by people you meet and by society.

Feeling judged by people you meet

Feeling judged by society, 1. manage underlying social anxiety.

How can we know if someone is judging us negatively, or our insecurity is making us misread the situation?

After all, fear of being judged is considered a symptom of social anxiety . People with social anxiety are more sensitive to feelings of being judged.

For example, one study on socially anxious men found that they interpreted ambiguous facial expressions as negative. [ 1 ]

It can be helpful to keep in mind that it might just be your inner critic making you believe that someone is judging you.

If you have social anxiety and feel judged, you can remind yourself of the following:

“I know that I have social anxiety, which is known to make people feel judged even when they aren’t. So it’s very possible that no one is actually judging me even when it feels like they do.”

2. Practice being okay with being judged

It can feel like it’s the end of the world if someone’s judging us. But is it really? What if it’s OK that people judge you at times?

When we decide to be OK with people judging us, we’re free to act more confidently, without worrying what others think.

The next time you’re feeling judged, practice accepting it rather than trying to “fix” the situation by redeeming yourself.

Therapists sometimes give their clients challenges to make small mistakes or embarrassing things to see that nothing bad happens:

One example is standing still at a red light and not driving until someone behind us honks. Another example is wearing a t-shirt inside out for a day.

While it can feel terrifying for the client at first, their fear of making social mistakes gets weaker when they see that it wasn’t as bad as they thought.

3. Consider how often you judge others

When you talk about your fear of feeling judged, you’re likely to hear a very common piece of advice:

“No one is judging you. They’re too concerned with themselves.”

You might catch yourself thinking, “hey, but I do judge others sometimes!”

The truth is, we all make judgments. We notice things out in the world – we can’t pretend that we don’t.

What we usually mean when we say, “I feel like you’re judging me,” is “I feel like you’re judging me negatively ,” or even more accurately – “I feel like you’re condemning me.”

That’s genuinely an uncomfortable feeling.

When we think about how often we condemn someone, we often realize that it’s not as often as we thought.

That’s what people usually mean when they say that is, “other people are too busy thinking of themselves to judge you.”

Most of us care more about our faults and mess-ups than other people’s. We’ll notice if someone we’re talking to has a big pimple on their face, but we don’t recoil in horror or disgust. We probably won’t give it a second thought after the conversation ends.

Yet if we’re the one with the pimple on the day of a big event, we might panic and consider canceling the whole thing. We don’t want anyone to see us. We imagine that it’s all anyone will be able to think about when we talk to them.

Most people are their own worst critics. Reminding ourselves of that can be useful when we fear judgment.

4. Notice the negative assumptions that you’re making

The first step to getting over the fear of being judged is to understand the fear. What does it feel like in your body? What stories are running through your head? We feel our emotions in the body. They’re also attached to assumptions, stories, and beliefs we have about ourselves and the world.

What stories do you find running through your head when you feel judged by others?

“They’re looking away. My story is boring.”

“They seem upset. I must have said something wrong.”

“No one is starting a conversation with me. Everyone thinks I’m ugly and pathetic.”

Sometimes we’re so used to the automatic voice in our head that we don’t even notice it. We might only notice sensations (like increased heartbeat, blushing, or sweating), emotions (shame, panic), or dissociation that feels like almost nothing (“My mind goes blank when I try to talk to people. It doesn’t feel like I’m thinking anything at all”).

Rather than trying to “change” how you’re feeling, practice accepting it.

Make a decision to act despite feeling these feelings. Rather than seeing negative feelings as enemies you need to push away (which rarely works), accepting them can make it easier to cope with them. [ 2 ]

5. Ask yourself if you know for a fact someone is judging you

Do you know for a fact that someone thinks you’re stupid or boring? You may have “proof.”: The way they’re smiling or the fact that they’re looking away may seem to support the fact that they’re judging you.

But can you know for sure what the person you’re talking to is thinking?

One way to combat the inner critic is to give it a name, notice it when it comes up – and let it pass away. “Ah, there’s that story about how I’m the most awkward person in the world again. No need to take that seriously now. I’m busy talking to someone.”

Sometimes, just realizing that our inner critic is feeding us stories is enough to make them less powerful.

6. Come up with compassionate answers to your inner critic

Sometimes, just noticing the harmful stories you’re telling yourself isn’t enough. You may need to challenge your beliefs directly.

For example, if you notice a story saying, “I never succeed in anything,” you might want to look at it more closely. It could help to start keeping a list of things you’ve succeeded in, no matter how small you believe they are.

One effective way to challenge the inner critic is to develop alternative statements to repeat when the inner critic rears its head.

For example, you catch the inner critic saying, “I’m such an idiot! Why did I do that? I can’t do anything right!”. You can then tell yourself something like, “I made a mistake, but that’s OK. I’m doing my best. I’m still a worthwhile person, and I am growing every day.”

7. Ask yourself if you would talk to a friend this way.

Another way to notice the power of our inner critic is to imagine ourselves talking to a friend the way we speak to ourselves.

If someone told us that they feel judged in conversations, would we tell them that they’re boring and should give up trying to talk? We probably wouldn’t want to make them feel bad about themselves like that.

Similarly, if we had a friend who always put us down, we would wonder if they were indeed our friend.

We like to be around people who make us feel good about ourselves. We’re the only person we’re around all of the time, so improving the way we speak to ourselves can do wonders for our confidence. [ 3 ]

8. Write down a list of three positive things you did every day.

Challenging yourself is one thing. If you don’t give yourself credit for the things you’re doing, you might keep pushing yourself in the belief that nothing is ever enough.

Sometimes, we get the sense that we didn’t do much, but when we give ourselves the time to think about it, we can come up with more than we’d think.

Make it a habit to write down three positive things you did for yourself every day, no matter how small. Some examples of things you might write down include:

“I stepped away from social media when I noticed it was making me feel bad.”
“I smiled at someone I didn’t know.”
“I made a list of my positive qualities.”

9. Keep working on improving your social skills

We tend to believe people will judge us for things we’re not confident about.

Let’s say you don’t think you’re good at making conversation. In that case, it makes sense that you believe people are judging you when you talk to them.

Improving your social abilities will help you address your fears of being judged by people you meet head-on. Instead of believing your worries, you can remind them: “I know what I’m doing now.”

Read our tips on making interesting conversation and improving your social skills .

10. Ask yourself what kind of people you want in your life

Sometimes we come across people who genuinely are judgmental and mean. They might make passive-aggressive remarks or criticize our weight, looks, or life choices.

Unsurprisingly, we tend to feel bad around people like that. We might find ourselves trying to be on our “best behavior” around them. We might think of funny things to say or do our best to look presentable.

We often don’t stop and ask ourselves why we do all this. Maybe we don’t believe that someone better is out there. Other times, low self-esteem can make it feel like we deserve those people.

If you interact more with new people, you will be less dependent on those who are bad for you. For tips on how to do that in practice, see our guide on how to be more outgoing .

11. Give yourself positive reinforcement

If talking to people is difficult for you, and you went out and did it anyway – pat yourself on the back!

It may be tempting to go over a negative interaction over and over again, but wait. You can do that later. Take a minute to give yourself some credit and acknowledge your feelings.

“That interaction was challenging. I did my best. I’m proud of myself.”

If certain interactions are particularly draining, consider rewarding yourself. Doing so will help condition your brain to remember the event in a more positive way.

This chapter focuses on what to do if you feel judged for your life choices, especially if they’re not part of the norm or other’s expectations on you.

1. Read about famous people who got a late start

Some of the people we considered most successful today went through long periods of struggle. In those times, they might have endured unsupportive comments and questions from others or feared that someone would judge them.

For example, JK Rowling was a divorced, unemployed single mother on welfare when she wrote Harry Potter. I don’t know if she ever received comments like, “are you still writing? It doesn’t seem to be working out. Isn’t it time to find a real job again?”

But I know that many in similar positions do and feel judged even without these types of comments.

Here are some other people who got a late start in life .

The point isn’t that you will eventually become wealthy and successful. Nor do you need to become successful to justify taking a different path in life.

It’s a reminder that it’s OK to make different choices, even if your family and friends don’t always understand.

2. Find the benefits of the things you fear being judged for

I recently saw a post by someone who kept getting judgmental comments about their job as a cleaner. She didn’t seem to feel any shame, though.

The woman declared that she loved her job. Because she had ADHD and OCD, she said the job fit her perfectly. The job gave her the flexibility she needed to be with her child. She liked to help people who needed it, like the elderly or disabled, by giving them the gift of a clean and tidy home.

Even if you’re dying for a relationship, listing the benefits of being single can help you feel less judged by society. For example, you have the freedom to make whatever choices you want without needing to consider a significant other. You have more time to focus on yourself so that if you do decide to get into a relationship in the future, you will feel more ready.

Sleeping alone means you get to sleep whenever you want, without worrying about someone snoring in your bed or setting an alarm for several hours before you need to wake up.

You can find similar benefits for a temporary job, living with roommates, living alone, and nearly everything else. The truth is most things aren’t all good or all bad.

3. Remind yourself that everyone is on a different journey

Many of us believed that we should have our whole life mapped out by turning 22. Looking back, that’s a pretty strange concept. After all, people can change so much in a matter of years.

The chances of finding both a lifelong partner and a lifelong career at the age of 22 are relatively low.

People grow apart and divorce. Our interests – and the markets – change. And there’s no reason we should try to fit ourselves into a box that serves other people.

Some people spend their twenties healing from childhood trauma. Others started working at what they thought was their dream job, only to discover it’s not really for them. Taking care of sick family members, abusive relationships, accidental pregnancies, infertility – there is an endless list of things that “get in the way” of the path we thought we should take.

We all have different personalities, gifts, backgrounds, and needs. If we were all the same, we wouldn’t have anything to learn from each other.

4. Remember that everyone has their own struggles

If you’re going by Instagram or Facebook, it may seem like your peers have a perfect life. They may be successful in their job, have good-looking and supportive partners, and beautiful children. They post photos of fun trips they take as a family.

Everything is so easy for them.

But we don’t know what’s going on behind the screen. They may be insecure about how they look. Perhaps they have a highly critical parent, feel unfulfilled in their job, or have a fundamental disagreement with their partner.

It doesn’t mean that everyone that seems happy is secretly miserable. But everyone has something difficult to deal with sooner or later.

Some people may be better at hiding it than others. Some people are so used to appearing strong that they don’t know how to begin to be vulnerable, show weakness, or ask for help – which is an enormous struggle in itself.

5. Make a list of your strengths

Whether you currently see it or not, certain things are easier for you than others.

There may be things that you take for granted, like your ability to understand numbers, express yourself in writing, or push yourself to achieve your goals.

Remind yourself of your positive qualities whenever you feel yourself feeling judged by society.

6. Understand that people judge out of bias

Just like everyone has hardships, everyone has a bias.

Sometimes someone will judge you because they feel judged themselves. Or perhaps fear of the unknown is what drives their critical remarks.

We haven’t done anything wrong by announcing we’re going on a run. But someone who has been beating themselves up for months about going to the gym might assume we’re judging them because they’re judging themselves.

Whether or not that’s the case in your particular situation, remind yourself that people’s judgments are more about them than it is about you.

7. Decide who you want to discuss specific topics with

Some people in our lives may be more judgemental or less understanding than others. We might choose to stay in contact with these people but limit the amount of information we share.

For example, you might be comfortable talking about your ambivalence about having children with close friends who are in a similar dilemma, but not with your parents, who are pushing you in a certain direction.

Remind yourself that you are allowed to decide what you’re willing to discuss with the people in your life.

8. Consider using prepared answers

Sometimes, we’re talking to someone, and they ask us a question that catches us off-guard.

Or perhaps we avoid meeting people because we don’t know how to answer specific questions.

You don’t have to share the negative aspects of your life with people that don’t make you feel comfortable.

When someone asks how your new business is going, for example, they don’t need to know about the financial struggles if they have been judgmental of you in the past. Instead, you might say something like, “I’ve been learning a lot about my abilities.”

9. Stick to your boundaries

If you have decided not to talk about specific topics, hold firm and compassionate boundaries. Let people know you’re not willing to share certain information.

If they try to press you, repeat something like, “I don’t feel like talking about that.”

You don’t have to defend your choices to anyone who doesn’t understand. You are allowed to have boundaries. As long as you are not causing harm to yourself or others, you can live your life in the way you think is best.

10. Destroy shame by speaking it.

Dr. Brene Brown researches shame and vulnerability. She talks about how shame needs three things to take over our lives: “secrecy, silence, and judgment.”

By keeping silent about our shame, it grows. But by daring to be vulnerable and talk about the things we feel shame about, we might discover we’re not as alone as we thought. As we learn to open up and share with empathetic people in our lives, our shame and fear of judgement fades away.

Think about something you feel shame about. Try talking about it in a conversation with someone you trust, who you consider kind and compassionate. If you’re not sure you have anyone in your life you trust enough at the moment, consider trying to join a support group.

You’ll find people who are sharing openly about different topics that you might have thought you were alone with.

Tsuji, Y., & Shimada, S. (2018). Socially Anxious Tendencies Affect Impressions of Others’ Positive and Negative Emotional Gazes . Frontiers in Psychology, 9 .
VerywellMind (2021). Accepting Emotions Can Improve Emotional Health . Retrieved January 12, 2021, from VerywellMind.com.
Mayo Clinic. (2020). How to stop negative self-talk . Retrieved January 12, 2021, from MayoClinic.org.

Viktor is a Counselor specialized in interpersonal communication and relationships. He manages SocialSelf’s scientific review board. Follow on Twitter or read more .

“Others will be bored with what I have to say”

Feeling inferior to others (how to overcome inferiority complex).

I had a read of this. If I’m out by myself or hear people shouting sometimes it makes me feel on edge sometimes. If I feel like I’m being judged I will cross over the road to avoid people not all the time but I have got into habit of doing this. I don’t like big groups of people. I will try to avoid it but in the past I sometimes have been known to get into arguments with people because I think I am being criticised. Sometimes I tell myself to get a grip of just ignore them but other times it makes me feel angry or irritated because I feel like at times it’s constant & I just can’t get away from it. I have had it for a long time. I started having social anxiety when I was at school I got bullied they would pick on me a lot they would gossip Or talk about me in the corridors. I used to hate big groups at school it would make me feel very anxious.

I read the text,but I will try to read again to memories them,but wish you let a check list to memories them and practise,because I saw some topic had activity to do.thanks a bunch.

I liked, when you said that some people spend their twenties healing of childhood trauma or struggle alot with vulnerability i felt like you were talkin exactly about me hahaha!

To get advice relevant to you, choose below:

What is your relationship status, how would you describe your social skills, what statement best describes you, how motivated are you to deepen your friendships, how motivated are you to find like-minded friends, do you agree with this statement “i want to be more likable”, do you agree with this statement “i want to be more interesting to talk to”, do you agree with this statement “i want to be less awkward”, what best describes you, responses successfully analyzed, where should we send your personalized tips.

15 Truths To Help You Overcome Your Fear Of Being Judged

Disclosure: this page may contain affiliate links to select partners. We receive a commission should you choose to make a purchase after clicking on them. Read our affiliate disclosure.

red-haired woman with eyes peeping through fingers illustrating a fear of being judged

Do you live in fear of judgment?

Do you constantly worry what other people think about you?

Does this fear and anxiety negatively impact how you live your life?

If so, we’ve got some truths coming your way that will drive that fear out.

The more you can confront the thoughts you have, the less those thoughts will pop into your head, and the less influence they’ll have over your life.

Are you ready?

Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you overcome your fear of being judged. You may want to try speaking to one via BetterHelp.com for quality care at its most convenient.

1. You are enough.

You’ve probably heard this before, but have you actually stopped to think about what it means?

You – the person you are today, the person you were yesterday, and the person you’ll be tomorrow – are not lacking anything.

You are not deficient, not broken, and not incomplete.

You are enough.

Sure, you have flaws (and we’ll get to those), but these do not make you less than anyone else.

“I am enough.” – say this to yourself when you wake up every morning, and anytime you feel that fear of judgment rising inside of you.

2. You are way harder on yourself than others will be.

Listen, we get it, there are parts of yourself that you don’t particularly like.

Everybody feels the same.

But no matter how you think others will judge you, you have already judged yourself way harder.

If you realize this, it can be quite liberating.

There really isn’t anything anyone can say that you haven’t already said to yourself.

3. Judgments by people you don’t know are irrelevant.

Are you concerned with what strangers think about you?

Just stop for a second and ask yourself why.

You’re never going to interact with these people. They may look at you walking down the street or sitting across from you on the subway… but that’s where it ends.

They walk past, you get off the train, and Poof! they disappear from your life.

What they may or may not have thought about you has absolutely zero influence over your life because they are no longer in it.

4. Judgments by people you’ve just met are temporary.

We all judge other people when we first meet them .

It’s a shame, really, but it’s also a natural response.

What a person looks like, what they sound like when introducing themselves, how firm or floppy their handshake is – we make instantaneous judgments based on first impressions.

But first impressions don’t last. As important as they are made out to be, it’s what comes after that matters most.

And as people get to know you, it’s highly likely that any negative initial perceptions they had will soften and disappear.

Most people are inclined to like others rather than dislike them. It’s just easier that way.

So, however you think they might have judged you in the beginning, they are now looking for things to like about you – of which there is plenty, no doubt.

5. Judgments don’t always influence how a person interacts with you.

Even if someone does maintain a particular judgment about you, it doesn’t always make a difference to how they treat you.

We can have these thoughts about others and yet maintain a perfectly good relationship with them.

We may even really like them, in spite of our judgments.

So your fear of being judged needn’t always extend to a fear of how you will then be treated.

They are two different things.

6. Judgments can be positive too.

Have you ever stopped to think that people might be judging you positively?

Yes, judgment is not inherently negative. We just assume that when someone judges us, they are pinpointing something they don’t like about us.

In reality, many of the judgments we make are about things we do like in a person.

We admire their determination, we find them attractive, we are in awe at how well they can work a room.

You may not think so, but you have plenty of traits that others think highly of.

Don’t allow your fear of being negatively judged prevent you from being open to positive judgments.

7. People will judge you one way or another.

Those people who can’t help but judge others – they’ll find a way to judge you whatever you do.

So here’s the question you have to ask yourself: would you prefer to be judged for being your true self, or the self you try to project to the world?

The answer should be easy.

Why would you want to be judged for something that isn’t really you?

You wouldn’t, right?

If you’re going to be judged, you might as well show the world who you really are, and to hell with what they think.

It’s a darn sight easier to be yourself , after all.

8. A person’s judgment is a reflection of their own insecurities.

When someone judges you, it’s important to recognize where that judgment comes from.

In truth, their judgment of you is merely a reflection of something they dislike about themselves.

It might not be the exact thing that they are judging you for, but there’s a niggling insecurity somewhere beneath the surface that’s infiltrating their thoughts.

They have a pain point and it causes them to seek out the pain points in others so that they can feel less alone in their hurt.

Oftentimes, if you are yourself, people will judge you because they are jealous. They wish they could be their authentic self, but their own fear of judgment prevents them from showing it.

9. Most people are too busy fighting their own battles to care.

Life is hard and people are often consumed by the challenges they face in their lives.

Any judgments they may make about you are no more than passing thoughts before their mind returns to the things that truly trouble them.

Just ask yourself when the last time was that you spent any great length of time thinking nasty, judgmental thoughts about someone – outside of your close personal relationships, perhaps (people have fights, after all).

The little judgments we make mean so little to us in the grand scheme of our days.

They float away in our thought streams and pass out of sight.

Why fear these fleeting and insignificant thoughts of others?

In truth, it’s you who holds onto these judgments far longer than anyone else.

10. Once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you.

The above words were spoken by Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones.

They contain a very important message and a lesson we all need to learn.

Yes, we are flawed creatures. No one is perfect. Those who project a perfect facade have just as many cracks and blemishes under the surface.

But when you truly come to terms with those flaws, no one can make you feel bad by attacking them.

You have already accepted that they are a part of you (at least, right now – personal growth should not be ignored).

A person’s judgments – even their harsh words – will fall on deaf ears because you are at peace with the things they seek to target.

11. Just block the haters.

If there is someone who really wishes to hurt you by attacking you, the best thing you can do is to block them.

Remove them from your life in any way you can.

Remove them from your social media.

Refuse to engage with them in person.

Avoid seeing them altogether if you can.

Haters gonna hate – let them. That’s their pain talking, so don’t listen.

12. Humiliation and ridicule are rare.

If you fear being judged, you probably fear being humiliated or ridiculed too.

Truth is, it is highly unlikely that anything you do will result in these things.

You fear the moment when all eyes turn to you as you do something excruciatingly embarrassing.

That moment is not coming. It’s just a part of your imagination.

It’s such a rarity that it’s not worth getting worried about. Do you walk out the house and worry about getting struck by lightning? Because that is probably more likely.

13. The approval of others won’t make you truly happy or peaceful.

The opposite side of the coin to fearing judgment is seeking approval.

We don’t want to be judged – we want others to approve of us and validate our existence .

We want to feel worthy of being liked and loved.

But here’s the kicker: that approval you seek won’t bring you the happiness or inner peace you seek.

That can only come from within. No one can say or do anything to impart lasting happiness and contentment on you.

This is especially true if what is being approved of isn’t the real you anyway.

14. If you can stop judging others, you’ll stop fearing judgment.

Maybe you are so concerned about the negative judgments of others because are often the source of similar judgment.

If you look at people and see the worst in them, you’ll worry that the worst is what people are seeing in you.

If all you see is the flaws in a person, you’ll worry that your flaws are all others see in you.

So to break free from your fear of being judged, you must try to kick the habit of judging others.

Every time a judgmental thought creeps into your mind, challenge it by looking for something positive about the person in question.

If you can reduce the judgments you have about others, you’ll worry less about what other people might be thinking about you.

15. If you can stop judging yourself, you’ll stop fearing judgment.

The source of your fear is inside of you.

You see your flaws and you judge yourself harshly for them.

But this internal monologue extends into your interactions with the world.

You judge yourself and you expect that others must be judging you too.

Thus, by subduing your need to judge yourself, you’ll stop believing that others are judging you as well.

Again, it comes down to challenging your thoughts as they arise in your mind.

When a self-judgment springs up, provide a counter argument by focusing on something you like about yourself.

This will help to break the habit of self-loathing thoughts and thus overcome the fear you have of being judged by others.

Still not sure how to stop feeling judged by others? Talking to someone can really help you to handle whatever life throws at you. It’s a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.

Speak to a therapist about it. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can help you to explore your fear of judgment and provide tools and careful guidance so that you can overcome it.

BetterHelp.com is a website where you can connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.

While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.

Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.

Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.

You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.

About The Author

Steve Phillips-Waller is the founder and editor of A Conscious Rethink. He has written extensively on the topics of life, relationships, and mental health for more than 8 years.

Frequently Asked Questions
Helpful Free Resources
Happiness & Fun
Healthy Habits
Love & Relationships
Mental Health
Mindfulness & Peace
Purpose & Passion
Fun & Inspiring
Submit a Post
Books & Things
Tiny Buddha’s Breaking Barriers to Self-Care

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

I’m arachnophobic. Last night, a large spider took up residence on the wall in my room. The shock of seeing its dark mass seated comfortably against the stark white of the paint made the blood drain from my head.

I have ways of dealing with my fears. Sometimes I ignore them and plunge in head-first without thinking; sometimes I avoid them altogether and run for the hills. When it comes to spiders though, I humanize the situation.

I gave Richie, as I named my new roommate, the same courtesy I give to all animals.

After a bit of careful planning, I took a deep breath and eased Richie into his temporary residence, ready for relocation to the floating garden. He was evidently more terrified than I was, although he had no reason to be. Even though he felt mortally threatened, I treated him with the same kindness and respect that I show my pets.

I realized then I needed to do the same for myself. I needed to give myself a little kindness and accept that my fears aren’t necessarily based in reality.

You see, I’ve recently come off a bout of depression.

When I’m badly depressed, I stop entirely. I have an obligation to care for my animals, so I drive myself to feed and clean them, but that fails to apply to me. I don’t eat, I don’t sleep; I don’t do anything other than sit and gaze blankly at my surroundings.

My laundry piles up in a corner. My desk becomes smothered in books, papers, and DVDs. I think it’s the same feeling you’d get if you were witness to a horrific event or accident; life stops and everything is painfully numb.

Daylight becomes unbearable as does the natural world around me. I don’t want to be around anyone, let alone talk to them. Most of the time, I skulk off back to bed to stare at the ceiling and sob. It feels like my life is over and the only thing left to do is vanish.

The grief I experience during a depression is overwhelming but never has an obvious cause. It’s not like I can figure out what’s upset me and try to patch things up. But I don’t like to think I end up in this state because of nothing; my depression comes about because of life.

It’s been tough and I struggle a lot emotionally. I’m sensitive and a chronic worrier. I’m frightened and lonely. Big things to admit, but this is my draw in life and I try to make the best of it.

Being depressed is something I dread because I know how difficult it is to climb back out of that hole and worst of all: I don’t have any control over it. I can’t say when it’ll happen, how long it’ll stay, or how bad it’ll be. I have to brace myself.

The truth is I’m not just afraid of being depressed (though I am); I’m afraid of letting people down and being judged.

I don’t like to think that I’m afraid of what other people say, I like to pretend I’m a rebel (in part, I am) and that emotionally, I’m tough as nails. In reality, I’m a bit of a softie and open to getting my feelings trampled.

But I’ve come to realize this: we often create fears based on past experiences and blow them out of proportion. They’re not always grounded in reality as it is. Even when they are justifiable, they’re not the things that create us—we create ourselves with what we tell ourselves and how we act.

By believing that our fears are real and irrefutable, we crush ourselves under the weight of their burden.

Every now and then someone comes along and shows you people won’t always act as you feared they would, just like the way I spared Richie instead of squishing him.

Sometimes people will make snap judgments when you’re openly struggling, but we don’t have to join in and judge ourselves. Everyone has their challenges. We might not all deal with depression, but no one is without struggles and sometimes we need a break.

Sometimes I need a break to take care of myself before I can engage with the world.

Sometimes I push myself too hard to become what other people expect of me—people who think I can just up and change into someone who doesn’t deal with depression.

The truth is that I don’t want to be cured. I want to be free to be who I am. And I want to face and release my fear of being judged for that, which I can only do if I stop being so hard on myself.

Sometimes you have to take a deep breath, look into yourself without judgment, and just be honest with yourself about what’s really scaring you. It’s the only way to identify irrationality, learn what you need, and change how you think and act.

We can challenge and overcome our fears if we’re willing to take power away from them. They aren’t as powerful as we think they are.

The world isn’t waiting to squish us. We definitely shouldn’t squish ourselves.

Photo by Nightskymun

About Sam Russell

Sam Russell is a young writer from the southeastern corner of the UK. He’s a cynic by nature trying to prove that cynics can be happy and positive, too. Visit his blog at http://cackhanded.wordpress.com/ .

Did you enjoy this post? Please share the wisdom :)

Free Download: Buddha Desktop Wallpaper

Recent Forum Topics

Help My Friend Rebuild Her Life After a Failed Business
friend abandoning me again
Regretting a Past Mistake
How to still feel worthy despite major rejection in your life?
Wedding morning, aunties behaviour – advice, thoughts?
The brave get weaker
Tough times
Hi dark secrets
Angry Hurt Daughter

Forgive Yourself

GET MORE FUN & INSPIRING IMAGES & VIDEOS .

Latest Posts

What I Know About Healing Now That I’ve Ended Contact with My Mom

4 Fears That Create People-Pleasers and How to Ease Them

The Dangers of Safety and How to Live Fully

The Importance of Setting Strong, Healthy Boundaries

What Migraines Have Taught Me About Being Vulnerable

This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition.

Tiny Buddha, LLC may earn affiliate income from qualifying purchases, including from the Amazon Associate Program.

Before using the site, please read our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use .

Click to opt-out of Google Analytics tracking.

Who Runs Tiny Buddha?

Get More Tiny Buddha

Twitter
Facebook
Instagram
Youtube
RSS Feed

Credits & Copyright

“TO BE (JUDGED), OR NOT TO BE (JUDGED), THAT IS THE QUESTION.”

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder, Fifth Edition defines social anxiety disorder as:

A persistent fear of one or more social or performance situations in which the person is exposed to unfamiliar people or to possible scrutiny by others. The individual fears that he or she will act in a way (or show anxiety symptoms) that will be embarrassing and humiliating .

Fear of judgment is the basis for social anxiety. When others view us in a negative light, there may be harmful consequences such as loss of social status, conflict and rejection.

Our ancestors taught us about judgment

The fear of judgment is an innate instinct. Primitive humans learned that socially unacceptable behavior led to being kicked out of the tribe. Rejection from the group exposed the individual to dangerous animals or rival tribes. The ability to obtain shelter and adequate food and water is diminished when existing alone. Those who disregarded prosocial behavior were banished from the tribe and likely faced premature death.

Prosocial behavior is defined as social behavior that “benefits other people or society as a whole, such as helping, sharing, co-operating, and volunteering.” (Brief & Motowidlo, 1986)

Judgment helps us be kind and helpful to one another.

Society needs humans to obey rules and conform to socially acceptable behaviors. Without prosocial behavior, civilized society would become chaotic and likely cease to exist. The fear of judgment leads to prosocial behavior. The fear of being evaluated by the tribe as selfish and uncooperative motivates behaviors that ultimately sustain civilized society.

In light of these arguments, fear of judgment from others can serve to keep us on the straight-and-narrow. Fear of negative evaluation is justified when it keeps us alive and society somewhat civilized. However, present day humans fear judgment in ways that extend beyond these arguments – perhaps unnecessarily.

Beliefs related to being boring, awkward or uninteresting are common judgments that people with social anxiety fear from those they interact with. “My classmates will laugh at me if I say something stupid in class discussion.” “My co-workers will think I’m boring if I say nothing at the lunch table.” “My boss will think she made a bad hiring decision if I blank out in our stand-up meeting.” Judgments are conclusions made from the information on hand at that moment in time.

Our connections with others are influenced by our perception of judgment from others

Those with social anxiety place a lot of importance on the impact of these conclusions. It’s rare that we know exactly what conclusions or judgments others hold about us. Judgments from others could lead to a loss of status, conflict or rejection. Asking ourselves two questions can help us be more objective:

“How likely is it that I’ll be rejected based on this interaction?”
“If I am rejected or lose status because of the person’s perception, how will I cope with the outcome?”

All people form conclusions or judgments of others, to some extent. It’s unreasonable to expect that all people will have non-judgmental opinions of us. It’s impossible to be judged favorably by all.

We can reduce the significance we place on judgments by using these strategies:

Accept that judgment is part of the human condition. By acknowledging that judgment between people happens, we become less disturbed by what it means to think we’re being judged.
Be mindful of our judgments of others. We can change the language used to describe observations. Use neutral, descriptive words when drawing conclusions.
Not all judgment leads to rejection. It may not be an all-or-nothing proposition. Others may see some of our weaknesses but still want us to be part of their tribe.
Practice prosocial behavior. Be helpful, share, cooperate and offer to help, provided we’re not sacrificing our value and needs.
Society needs all types of people to function efficiently. Our uniqueness is a strength, even if it’s not valued in the same way by all. Find the tribe that values you.

The fear of judgment serves an important function by shaping our behavior in ways that benefit society. Taken to the extreme, however, it disconnects us from the people we need to be happy, healthy, and productive. Accepting that judgment is part of life can take the sting out of rejection.

John R. Montopoli, LMFT, LPCC

Cofounder, National Social Anxiety Center;

How to Get Help for Social Anxiety

The National Social Anxiety Center (NSAC) is an association of independent Regional Clinics and Associates throughout the United States with certified cognitive-behavioral therapists (CBT) specializing in social anxiety and other anxiety-related problems.

Find an NSAC Regional Clinic or Associate which is licensed to help people in the state where you are located.

Places where nsac regional clinics and associates are based, might be useful for you:.

SHAME: THE OFT-NEGLECTED INGREDIENT IN SOCIAL ANXIETY December 22, 2022
IS SOCIAL ANXIETY OBJECTIVE? April 25, 2022
OVERCOMING SOCIAL ANXIETY: CHOOSING TO STEP OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE February 16, 2018
SOCIAL ANXIETY AND SCHOOL REFUSAL (part 2) October 8, 2016

About Social Anxiety

Stop Worrying. Start Living.

5 Tips to Manage the Fear of Being Judged

July 19, 2019 by Arlin Cuncic, M.A.

How to Stop Worrying What Other People Think

Do you have a fear of being judged? Most people do, at least a little bit, but people with social anxiety tend to have an overblown fear of other people thinking badly of them.

If this is you, it might feel like you are at the mercy of other people’s judgments. As those what they think of you defines your worth. But, nothing could be further from the truth! As long as you let that be your guidepost, your self-esteem will rise and fall with what you think other people are thinking about you (yes, that’s a bit circular and convoluted).

Instead, consider the ways in which you can start to distance yourself from the fear that other people are judging you. Yes, people do judge from time-to-time, but a) it’s far less than you probably think, and b) anyone who judges you instead of trying to get to know you or help you—doesn’t deserve to make you miserable.

( *Note: We all know social anxiety can be hard to manage. This book on Amazon is the best I have found to deal directly with the problem. Listen for free (read by the author!) with your 30-day trial of Audible . )

Build Your Self Esteem

The first tip to worrying less about being judged is to boost your own self esteem and sense of self worth. One way to do this is through daily affirmations for self esteem.

Say things to yourself daily that remind you of your unique qualities and that you deserve to be treated with love and respect.

It will be much harder to care what negative things people are thinking about you when you’re feeling good about yourself.

Be Less Judgmental

This might not be immediately obvious, but it deserves mention. Sometimes when I overhear people making disparaging comments about others or running them down, I wonder if this is a pattern of thinking and it’s also the way that they talk to themselves.

One of the most common comments I hear along these lines is.. “Who does she think she is?” Imagine saying that about someone else. Take a step back. What are you really saying to yourself? When you put on a new outfit or land a new job, will you be secretly saying to yourself, “Who do I think I am?” Instead, why not say, “Doesn’t she look fabulous?” or “Isn’t she amazing?” Just try it, you’d be surprised how much your outer criticisms match your inner ones.

Manage Negative Thinking

We all can fall victim to negative thinking patterns. An easy way to break free from these patterns is to use a CBT worksheet like the one available in my free resource library. You can sign up for this at the bottom of this post.

In simplest terms, the way to combat negative thoughts is to take a step back and really ask yourself whether you are being realistic. If you’re not, then you need to replace your irrational thought with something that’s closer to the truth.

For the fear of being judged, this probably means letting go of thoughts that other people are always evaluating you and deciding that you don’t measure up. More realistically, it’s probably the case that some people judge you negatively some of the time, but the majority of people do not.

(Watch the video below for more tips on how to manage the fear of being judged)

Let Go of Perfectionism

At the root of the fear of being judged is the fear that you won’t be perfect . But WHY do you need to be perfect in the first place? Wouldn’t the world be an awfully boring place if we were all without flaws?

So… let them judge you! If someone else doesn’t like something about you, could that in fact mean that you just aren’t really suited to be friends? Not everyone has to like you, but the people who do will like you for who you are. Don’t edit your personality to try and be perfect; then nobody can get to know the real you. Be yourself, and let things work themselves out.

How to Double Your Social Confidence in 5 Minutes"

Check out this free training offered by the experts at Social Self!

How to use " Conversational Threading " to avoid awkward silence
The proven way to get past boring small talk
Instantly beat self-consciousness with the "OFC-method"
Busting the myth that you have to get a "more interesting life" to be more interesting"

Start my free training

Live Your Best Life

Guess what? If you are doing amazing things that excite you, it’s going to be awfully hard to worry about other people’s judgments. And, if you are working hard to overcome any negative traits about yourself, then you should be doubly less concerned what other people think .

Really, truly, the best way to overcome the fear of being judged is to just be yourself and let things work themselves out from there. And if you’re not happy with some aspect of yourself, get working on it so that you feel more confident and less insecure the next time it comes up.

WANT TO REMEMBER THIS? SAVE 5 TIPS TO MANAGE THE FEAR OF BEING JUDGED TO YOUR FAVORITE PINTEREST BOARD!

Woman with arms in air and text overlay - 5 Tips to Manage the Fear of Being Judged

Reader Interactions

Vibhor Tiwari says

June 7, 2020 at 6:32 am

Nice post! I like the 3rd point most. If you’re really happy and are doing things that excite you, why would you worry about other people’s judgments? Very well written. We’ve covered the same topic, if interested check it out at https://www.theomegawithin.com/7-ways-to-counter-fear-of-being-judged/

atorrin says

June 16, 2020 at 4:10 pm

I’m glad you agree!

Amazon Associates Disclosure

About Social Anxiety is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliate sites. Click here to read the full disclosure policy.

Browse by Category

Browse by date, join 350,000+ followers.

Presentations made painless

Get Premium

114 Fear Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

Inside This Article

Fear is a powerful emotion that can have a significant impact on our lives. It can hold us back from pursuing our dreams, trying new things, or taking risks. However, fear can also be a powerful motivator, pushing us to overcome obstacles and achieve our goals.

In this article, we will explore 114 fear essay topic ideas and examples that you can use to explore how fear influences our lives and behaviors.

The role of fear in decision-making
How fear can hinder personal growth
Overcoming the fear of failure
The fear of rejection and its impact on relationships
Fear of the unknown: how to navigate uncertainty
How fear of success can hold you back
Fear of public speaking and ways to overcome it
The fear of change and how to embrace it
The fear of being judged by others
The fear of death and how it shapes our lives
Fear of failure in academic settings
Overcoming the fear of making mistakes
How fear of the future can paralyze us
Fear of losing control and ways to manage it
The fear of being vulnerable and its impact on relationships
Overcoming the fear of rejection in dating
Fear of failure in entrepreneurship
The fear of success and how it can sabotage your goals
Fear of confrontation and ways to handle conflict
Fear of being alone and how to overcome it
The fear of being judged on social media
Fear of the dark and its impact on mental health
Overcoming the fear of failure in sports
The fear of being embarrassed in public
Fear of failure in the workplace
The fear of failure in creative endeavors
Overcoming the fear of failure in relationships
Fear of failure in parenting
The fear of missing out (FOMO) and its impact on decision-making
Fear of rejection in job interviews
The fear of being vulnerable in friendships
Fear of failure in starting a new business
Overcoming the fear of failure in academic settings
Fear of change in personal relationships
The fear of being alone in old age
Fear of rejection in the dating world
Fear of the unknown in travel
Overcoming the fear of public speaking in professional settings
Fear of failure in pursuing your passion
The fear of being vulnerable in therapy
Fear of rejection in social situations
Fear of failure in pursuing your dreams
Overcoming the fear of rejection in creative pursuits
Fear of change in career transitions
The fear of being vulnerable in romantic relationships
Fear of rejection in networking events
Fear of failure in starting a new project
Overcoming the fear of failure in academic pursuits
Fear of change in personal habits
The fear of being vulnerable in family relationships
Fear of rejection in online dating
Fear of failure in starting a new hobby
Overcoming the fear of rejection in artistic pursuits
Fear of change in lifestyle choices
The fear of being vulnerable in self-expression
Fear of rejection in job applications
Fear of failure in pursuing new experiences
Overcoming the fear of rejection in social settings
Fear of change in personal beliefs
The fear of being vulnerable in public speaking
Fear of rejection in professional settings
Fear of failure in pursuing personal growth
Overcoming the fear of rejection in academic settings
The fear of being vulnerable in leadership roles
Fear of rejection in creative endeavors
Fear of failure in starting a new venture
Overcoming the fear of rejection in romantic relationships
Fear of change in career advancement
The fear of being vulnerable in group settings
Fear of rejection in artistic pursuits
Fear of failure in pursuing your passions
Overcoming the fear of rejection in job interviews
Fear of change in personal goals
The fear of being vulnerable in social situations
Fear of failure in starting a new career
Overcoming the fear of rejection in academic pursuits
Fear of change in personal challenges
The fear of being vulnerable in professional settings
Fear of rejection in social relationships
Fear of change in personal development
The fear of being vulnerable in personal growth
Fear of failure in starting

Want to research companies faster?

Instantly access industry insights

Let PitchGrade do this for me

Leverage powerful AI research capabilities

We will create your text and designs for you. Sit back and relax while we do the work.

Explore More Content

How To Get Anything You Want →

The copy cure, time genius, success stories, oprah & marie, giving back, press & media, how we roll, personal growth, how to get over the fear of being judged by others, november 15, 2011.

Hi! I'm Marie

You have gifts to share with the world and my job is to help you get them out there.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Suspendisse varius enim in eros elementum tristique. Duis cursus, mi quis viverra ornare, eros dolor interdum nulla, ut commodo diam libero vitae erat. Aenean faucibus nibh et justo cursus id rutrum lorem imperdiet. Nunc ut sem vitae risus tristique posuere.

Can I let you in on something?

I feel fear and self-doubt about my business and passions every single day. That’s feel , present tense — and I’ve been running this business for over 20 years.

In my early 20s, when I made my living doing many things — coaching, bartending, waiting tables, cleaning toilets, personal assisting, teaching fitness and dance — I was terrified of being judged by others.

I had self doubt out the wazoo, especially when it came to talking about my work with family and friends. I started my life-coaching practice at age 23. What did I even know about life? What would people think? Most people had never even heard of a “life coach” in the nineties.

When you forge your own path and step outside of the norm, you will be judged by others. And often, that judgment can feel harsh.

Often, the more unconventional you are, the more you can expect to have that “nobody gets me” feeling and all the fear and anxiety that comes along with it.

Especially in the beginning stages, when the people around you may not even understand what you’re trying to do, it’s crucial to get this fear under control.

Today I’m answering a question from Shannon who wrote in to ask:

I often feel like my family and friends don’t understand me, my passions, or my business. How do you get over the fear of judgement by others, especially from your family?

This is such a common question, especially from those of us following a different path than our friends and families.

How do you get over the fear of being judged by others so you can stay true to yourself and keep on truckin’ toward your dreams?

The Psychology Behind the Fear of Being Judged

To get over your fear, you should first understand where it’s coming from.

Let’s start with some A’s to your Q’s…

What Is the Fear of Being Judged?

We all have moments when we’re afraid of people’s judgment, no matter how confident we are.

It’s that feeling of stiffening up before you speak or biting your tongue because you’re worried what someone might think.

Sometimes this fear manifests as going along with something you don’t agree with just to be liked. Or feeling indecisive when you know you can’t please everyone.

You can’t be an important and life-changing presence for some people without also being a joke and an embarrassment to others. Here’s advice from Mark Manson how to stop caring about things that don’t matter and get on with what does.

An extreme fear of being judged in social situations might be a symptom of socialized anxiety disorder (a.k.a. “social anxiety”), which you can learn more about from the National Institute of Mental Health .

These tips for confronting your fear will help you build confidence and reduce your fear, but you may want to talk to someone about mental health treatment if you think you suffer from social anxiety.

Why Do We Care about Other People’s Judgments?

Have you ever felt insecure talking about what you do for a living? Or worried that everyone thinks you’re a fraud?

Your specific fear usually points to what’s most important to you , not necessarily to other people.

For many of us, we fear others will judge us for the things we judge in ourselves . We internalize critical thoughts like:

You don’t make enough money.

You should be married by now.

You have no idea how to run your own business.

You’re not good enough .

When you tell yourself these nasty lies, it’s easy to believe everyone else is thinking them, too.

I’ve been there.

When I was working several side jobs and launching my business, I was so scared people would think I was unfocused, flaky, or unprofessional. Why? Because I believed the myth that successful professionals stick to one thing.

Now, instead of trying to force myself into a career box, I embrace the power of being a multipassionate entrepreneur .

Caring about what others think of you doesn’t mean you’re weak, immature, or broken. It means you’re human.

Why Do We Hate Being Judged?

Humans are social animals. We crave community. Not in the way we crave mint chocolate chip ice cream, but in the way we crave broccoli. It’s essential to our well-being.

In psychology, our need for community is called “belongingness” (which sounds like a word a blogger invented, but it’s the real deal).

According to researchers , the need to belong “is so basic to human behavior that the first premise of virtually every theory of social or cultural behavior could be that people have a pervasive drive to form and maintain at least a minimum quantity of lasting, positive, and significant interpersonal relationships.”

On a biological level, feeling socially anxious stems from our need to be socially safe to survive.

And judgment = threat to your belonging. No wonder judgement is scary AF.

6 Steps to Get Over the Fear of Being Judged

Fearing the judgment of others is natural, normal, and no one escapes it entirely. So what’s the big deal? Especially if you do unconventional work or have unusual life goals, this fear could be holding you back.

Don’t let it. The world needs what you have to offer.

In this MarieTV, I share four action steps to help you get over the idea “Nobody gets me!” Keep reading after the video for two more ways to dissolve your fear.

Watch Video now

listen to this episode on the marie forleo podcast

Subscribe to the marie forleo podcast.

View Transcript

Download transcript.

Q and A Tuesday side to side, we dance together. As one today's question is from Shannon and Shannon writes, I often feel like my family and friends don't understand me, my passions or my business. How do you get over the fear of judgment by others, especially from family. Ooh, that's a juicy one. Shannon, real juicy Shannon. This is a really common question, especially for those of us who have unusual businesses, but the very first thing you need to do is this, to get a check, just set before you rest yourself, before you wreck yourself.

Hmm. Here's what I mean. Shannon. We, human beings have an ability to get others, to judge us for what we judge ourselves for. Ooh, that was deep. If you're at all insecure or unsure about what you do, you have an ability to evoke a reaction in others. It's as though you have this big blinking neon sign above your head that says, ask me about my business. So you can judge me for how weird it is. For example, when I was in my early twenties, I was really insecure about saying what I did for a living, because it was weird and nontraditional. Remember I did like five things. I was a hip hop dancer. I was a writer. I was a coach, all kinds of stuff. I would actually get people to ask me what I did for a living constantly. So here's, what's interesting. The moment that I stopped judging myself for being a weird multipassionate entrepreneur, the frequency of people asking hi, what do you do for a living?

Went down drastically. Coincidence? I think not. So the first and most important step is to stop judging yourself. Once you got that under control, here are four more action steps. You can take. Number one, don't just assume they're judgemental a-holes because they don't get what you do. What about this? What if you've never really taken the time to explain it to them? Number two, if you've explained it to them and they still think you're weird, then you need to stop trying to go for their approval, wanting to change how people think and feel about you is crazy. Like cuckoo crazy. Come on. Now that is therapy 1 0 1. Number three is to be happy. Now I know that sounds trie, but here's the thing. It's really hard for other people to judge you. If you're happy, you're making money and you're living your life. When I first started out, my parents didn't know what I did for a living.

And frankly, they still don't really understand it. All they know now is that I'm happy. I don't ask for money to borrow from them. I'm a happy camper. I call them all the time. I love them. That's it. But B number four is get a power posse. You really need to have a crew of people that you can hang with that really get you and your business for me. I have a whole crew of internet marketers that I can hang out with. We have drinks, we have fun, and I never have to explain what a squeeze page is. That's pretty cool. So Shannon, that is my a to your queue. Thank you so much for asking it. Now, if you have a story to share about people judging you or not getting what you do, leave your story in the comments below. If you like this video, like it, share it with your friends in social media land. And of course, if you never wanna miss an episode of Marie TV, come on over to MarieForle.com, Jump on the newsletter list and I will catch you next time. Thanks again for watching it's Q and A Tuesday. What do you think of this and this bling always trying something different.

DIVE DEEPER: Setbacks happen. Here’s how to stop feeling like a failure , get back up, and keep moving forward.

You’ve got important work to do. Take these six steps to let go of self-doubt and avoid being paralyzed by the fear of being judged:

Don’t invite judgment. When we’re insecure about what we do, we might unwittingly nudge others to judge us for it. Like when you steer the conversation toward what you do for a living or nudge someone to ask you about your dreams for your future.
Stop judging yourself. When you stop judging yourself, people will miraculously find less to judge about you. This doesn’t mean you have to be confident 100% of the time — all of us feel fear and self-doubt regularly. To keep working anyway, turn your focus outward to the people you serve, and away from your inner critic.
Don’t assume people are judgmental a-holes. Sometimes, what you interpret as judgment from someone is just a lack of understanding. Have you ever taken the time to explain to them what you do? Give them a chance to get it before dismissing their lackluster response as judgey.
Stop chasing people’s approval. OK, so maybe they are judging you. So what? You can’t change what people think about you, so don’t waste energy trying. Be true to yourself to achieve your true purpose.
Be happy. I know that sounds trite, but here’s the thing: It’s hard for people to judge or criticize you if you’re happy, making money, and enjoying your life.
Get a power posse. Pull together a group of people you can hang with and never have to explain what you do for a living. For me, that’s a group of other online business owners. When I’m with them, I never have to explain what a “funnel” is — that’s how I know I’m home.

Let Go of Judgment

The fear of harsh judgment can be creatively and spiritually debilitating, but only if you let it.

When you surround yourself with people who get what you do, let go of your own self judgment, and learn to love your life without others’ approval, you can let go of the fear and get on with sharing your special gifts with the world.

Now it’s time to turn this insight into action.

Grab a notebook, and spend five to 10 minutes writing your answers to these questions:

Imagine the criticism you fear actually happens. What are three constructive and healthy ways you would deal with it?
Write down 10 things you’d do if you had absolutely zero fear of judgment or criticism. Then pick one — and do it!

More Like This

Do This Every Morning To Stop Procrastination & Never Be Lazy

How I Manage My Time — 5 Tips To Win At Anything In Life

This Conversation Could Save Your Relationship | Harville & Helen

Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt teach how to fix your broken relationship – FAST

The Best Anti-Aging Advice for Women Over 40 (Wish I Knew Sooner)

It's Not Too Late For You (How To Reinvent Yourself At Any Age)

Will You Be Successful? Barbara Corcoran Reveals ‘The Tell’

Fear Series: How to Overcome Your Fear of Being Judged

From Fear to Freedom GUIDE topaz enhance sharpen hires

Being afraid of being judged can cause immense heartache, so much that it can stop you from doing what you were meant to do. It can keep you from happiness, from pursuing your career, from love, from being who you want to be.

Fear of being judged pulls you down and holds you back from your dreams and living the life your soul intended.™

When I first started Fearless Living, I was consumed by a fear of being judged. It was all new to me, and I didn’t know how people were going to react. I didn’t have confidence in myself yet. I didn’t know what people would think of me, and that was terrifying.

I remember holding my first workshop in my home. And at the time, I hadn’t redone my kitchen yet. I distinctly remember looking at my kitchen floor and thinking, “Look at those cracks. Look at that kitchen. Why would people want to learn from someone who has cracks in their kitchen floor?”

At the same time, I was a lot heavier, and I wasn’t feeling confident in my own body. Thanks to my inner critic, I was full of self-doubt. Fear of judgment came in here too. I thought, “Why would anyone want to learn from someone who’s overweight? Why would anyone want to learn from someone who looks like me?”

I had all these fears about being judged by my home, by my weight, by my looks, and by the fact that I didn’t have a PhD.

I had all of these excuses and rationalizations to say a workshop wasn't a good idea in my home. But that was all fear, and when it came down to it, I was new in the business, which meant I didn’t have the money to run a workshop anywhere else.

I had to pull myself back and realize that I was trying to teach others all about fear. It was okay and natural that I had these fears, but I couldn’t let them stop me from pursuing my newfound dream.

The show had to go on. I had to overcome fear.

Slowly but surely, I learned people were only judging me by my content and ability to help—not by my looks or my weight, and certainly not by my kitchen floor.

And this is only one example of my being afraid of being judged. I feared being judged when my parents died. I feared being judged when I moved to Los Angeles. I feared being judged when I started my own business. I feared being judged when I published my first book.

I wanted to share this small story with you because I want you to know that you are not alone—very far from it. We all feel judged at times, and we all worry about being judged.

With that, let’s get to it because there’s so much to share about this topic. In this guide, I’ll share what fear of being judged looks like, the symptoms of this fear, and the strategies you can begin employing today to move beyond this fear.

Table of Contents

A Fearless Living Introduction: Overcoming Fear

Often, when we think about fear, we automatically gravitate to common phobias, like a fear of heights, clowns, snakes, and what have you. While these are certainly real fears, they are not the kind of fears we speak about at Fearless Living.

We focus on emotional fears at Fearless Living. And what are emotional fears? Emotional fears pierce right to the core of our mental health, wellbeing, and humanity. Consciously or unconsciously, they negatively influence our decision making, leading us down the wrong path—one that doesn’t allow us to pave our own way or live the life our soul intended.™

The 10 most common emotional fears are:

Fear of Failure
Fear of Success
Fear of Intimacy
Fear of the Unknown
Fear of Loneliness
Fear of Not Being Good Enough
Fear of Loss
Fear of Change
Fear of Being Judged
Fear of Rejection

I am posting an individual article about each of the fears we discuss at Fearless Living right here on this blog. If you’re looking for a more general overview of each type of fear, as well as the difference between emotional fears and common phobias, read my guide: 10 Common Types of Fear and How to Overcome Them .

What Is the Fear of Being Evaluated by Others ?

Two girls in the background laughing at another girl with her head down

Everyone wants to feel approved, to feel accepted, to feel respected. After all, it feels good, doesn’t it? But when you are judged or imagine people's judgments, you don’t feel liked, understood, approved, respected, or accepted, and that can do real damage to your wellbeing, self-esteem, and confidence.

Is there a phobia of judgment? Absolutely! But when a fear turns into a phobia, there’s usually something more serious going on that may require the attention of a medical mental health professional. At its worst, a phobia of being evaluated by others may be classified as a social anxiety disorder that can affect relationships and make the afflicted person feel like absolutely everything is wrong with them.

But a fear of being judged comes in all shapes and sizes. Just because you don’t suffer from a phobia doesn’t mean that an underlying fear isn’t negatively affecting your life.

You want to be understood because you want to belong. Your social anxiety often comes down to one thing: The fear that others will judge you.

When you start a new project, do you worry your boss will judge you?

When you go on a date, do you feel like your date is judging you?

When you walk down the street, do you feel like every person is looking at you and judging you?

A study co-authored by Rebecca Ratner and Rebecca Hamilton found people worry that if they engage in activities alone , other people will infer they could not find friends to join them. They believe they will be judged by others if they partake in a social activity alone, such as going to the movies or going to a restaurant to eat alone.

And this was a big one for me. When I started practicing going to events alone and going to dinner alone, I had to ask myself, “Is this an activity I personally want to do?”

And if it was, then it was okay to do it alone. If I wanted to see a movie and didn’t have anyone to go with, that was perfectly okay. And sometimes it was because I didn’t want to go with anyone, and that was okay too.

The need for approval and acceptance is part of our DNA.

Since the dawn of humankind, it’s been necessary to our survival to belong to a group and to be loved and accepted by others.

We need each other. We yearn for human connection. Not getting these things feels terrible. It’s a human behavior that we all struggle to manage. It’s biological.

When you feel judged, you don’t feel like you belong. You feel disconnected. You are being left out of the tribe, and biologically, it feels dangerous because it means you could die out there on your own.

Even if that isn’t true today, it’s still what it feels like. And that’s why someone else’s judgment feels so hurtful. Even friendly, well-intentioned feedback can feel like judgment. It feels like being left out in the cold, apart from your tribe.

Do you believe you're someone who’s afraid of being judged? I guarantee that you suffer from this fear in some form or another. Let’s talk about the symptoms of a fear of being judged so that you can better recognize them in yourself.

What Are the Symptoms of Fearing Being Judged?

Not sure if you fear being judged? See if you relate to any of these symptoms.

Do you hide who you are to avoid embarrassment?
Do you try to be perfect to avoid being judged?
Do strangers or authority figures intimidate you?
Do you wait for others to go first and people-please to make sure they like you?
Do you avoid doing things alone?
Do you focus your energy on figuring out WHY someone doesn’t like you?
Are you afraid to look stupid, selfish, lazy, etc., to others?
Do you hesitate to share your dreams and be the real you?

I know I sure relate to a lot of these symptoms. And if I don’t right now, I definitely did at other points in my life.

So many women try to hide their bodies because of what they perceive as unattractive. They want to please people. They want everyone to like them. Have you ever sat at the back of the room to avoid interacting with people because you were worried about how you looked? What you were wearing? What your hair looked like? What your voice sounded like? What people would think if you struck up a conversation? This is your fear of being judged shining through in full force.

Fear of being judged can come through in everything we do.

Are you someone who doesn't put anything out unless you know it’s perfect? Do you refuse to try something if you’re worried you won’t get perfect results? If this is the case, you probably aren't trying too many new things or putting much out into the world. Your fear of being judged makes you think you need to be perfect, and that’s stopping you from ever trying to begin with.

But there is a path forward. I can't guarantee you’ll never again wonder about what other people are thinking, but I can help you navigate your fear of being judged. With practice, you can learn to manage your fears and put more focus on yourself—where it actually counts. No one ever gets ahead when they’re wrapped up in what other people think. So let’s get to those strategies.

How Do I Get Over the Fear of Being Judged?

Prioritize what you think of yourself.

Are you afraid to look stupid, silly, weird, selfish, lazy, etc., to others?

Are you focused on other people's ideas of who you’re supposed to be instead of your own?

If you’re worried about appearing a certain way to people, ask yourself: Are you being any of those things? If the answer is authentically no, you can let it go.

But easier said than done, right?

When you don’t have a strong center and don’t trust yourself to have your own back, you become dependent on others. You need the approval of others because you don’t have your own approval of yourself.

But this way of thinking and living gives away all of your power.

You’re letting external factors determine how you feel and whether or not you are happy. Remember, other people’s thoughts are outside of your control. What another person thinks of you is completely up to them.

Do you only experience a boost in your self-esteem when other people approve of you? What about your own definition of success? What about your inner self-love?

Let me say this again: You are giving away your power by letting external factors determine your self-worth.

You will never be free of your fear of being judged unless you take back your power and decide to see yourself and your critics differently. But if you've been dependent on other people for approval your whole life, making a change will be scary and difficult.

The first step is recognizing you do this. When you realize you are dependent on the approval of those around you, you’ll begin to notice what a stronghold this fear has on you.

Notice your own tendencies. Do you constantly ask people what they think? Do you wait to give an opinion until those around you do so first? Do you look for validation on social media? Do you fixate on people’s opinions of you or what you think they might be thinking?

The next step is to harness the power of self-love. Because if you’re no longer looking for approval externally, you need to find it internally.

You’re Going to the Wrong People for Acceptance

Young woman tired of listening her talkative girlfriend

We don’t want to be judged, and we’re afraid of being judged because we all want to belong. It’s human nature. To belong is to be part of the tribe. To belong is to be safe.

And because we want that sense of belonging so badly, we’ll often seek it out in the wrong places. We want that acceptance, so we make decisions that are bad for our physical, mental, or emotional health just to keep our current “tribe” around.

I’m sure you’ve been there, and I’ve done this so many times before too. I’ve kept toxic friends. I’ve been in abusive relationships. I’ve allowed my family to disregard my boundaries. And I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was doing it because I was so desperate for acceptance. I couldn’t bear to lose the acceptance I had, so I clung to it. I did everything I could to keep those toxic relationships.

But the truth is a toxic relationship isn’t offering you acceptance. It’s perceived acceptance. The people in your life who are causing you pain make you feel like you need them. You might keep friends who are toxic because you’re afraid of what will happen if you lose them. You might be in a romantic relationship that’s holding you back because you're more afraid of losing that acceptance than you are of the turmoil it is causing you.

The people you spend your time with profoundly affect your life.

If you surround yourself with negative influences who are always bringing you down, it will be that much harder to pull yourself up. And you may never find the strength to break free and live your own life if you are trapped in relationships with people who put you down, never see things in a positive light, and are ALWAYS COMPLAINING.

You know the people I’m talking about. I call these people complaining buddies. They feel trapped, and so they want you to stay trapped with them—all mixed up in a cycle of ongoing complaining and excuses!

When you’re their complaining buddy, they feel better about themselves. They feel understood, correct, and accepted because you’re there right alongside them complaining too. They still have their tribe.

Learn why complaining is so harmful and how you can use the practice of venting to work toward solutions in my guide: Expressing Feelings Through Venting (Instead of Complaining)

And then there are the critics. Critics can be just as harmful to your health as complaining buddies. They are the people who aren’t ready to face their own fears. When you accomplish something great, they can’t handle it. They may even call your achievements and newfound happiness crazy or impossible.

They put you down because they aren’t ready to face their own limited beliefs. They see you as someone who could do harm to their wellbeing because you’re no longer trapped in fear. You are challenging their beliefs with your success.

And this success doesn’t have to be what society typically views as success. Your achievement could be finding more balance in your life, pursuing a hobby you’ve always dreamed of, or gaining a new outlook on life that allows you to feel grateful for what you have. These are all forms of achievement and success—ones that complainers and critics hate.

So what does this all mean?

You may be going to the wrong places for your acceptance. Because even though so much of your journey is only about you—your own self-love, your own destiny—an aspect of your wellbeing will always be tied up in people.

You need a tribe who gets you.

When I quit drinking, I had to find a whole new tribe. Not one person I was friends with that drank with me in Los Angeles is my friend now. When I made the choice to quit drinking and again when I started my own business, I had to find my own tribe. The people I was surrounded by, the people who I counted on for my acceptance, weren’t my tribe anymore.

And it was impossible to hold on to these people. I couldn’t spend time with my drinking buddies when they were constantly judging me for my decisions. They weren’t able to support me because they were on a different path.

When I started my own business, the same thing happened. People who I thought were my tribe, people who I thought supported me and had my back, suddenly became huge critics. They weren’t able to comprehend the path I was taking. It threatened their own views. I had to find a new tribe.

So, as much as I’m always asking you to pay attention to yourself, the people you surround yourself with matter too. They don’t control your life, but they can severely impact it and make it more difficult to push forward on your fearless journey. As hard as it may be, you may need to make changes to your circle.

Choosing your own path and following your soul’s calling is liberating, but it can also be lonely. That is until you find your new fearless tribe, the people who get you no matter what. Trust me—it’s worth the wait, as well as the time and effort it takes to build a new tribe who can be with you every step of your fearless journey.

See Feedback as an Opportunity, Not Judgment

Your ability to accept feedback and not see it as a crippling attack is a valuable asset. Don't get me wrong—some people are judging you when they give you feedback. There is judgment in feedback, but it’s up to you to frame that feedback positively and constructively.

Some judgment is actually a good thing, even if we don’t want to hear it. Because without feedback, we never grow. We never learn. We never change for the better. We get stuck in our ways.

As a Life Coach , I live in the realm of feedback. It’s my job to help my clients grow by giving them feedback, being honest, and telling them cold hard truths when they’re needed. And although it took me a long time to get used to it, I now know that feedback is one of my most important tools for bettering myself and my company.

Without feedback on my coaching style, lessons, training program, books, and my own bad habits, I’d be stuck living in the past. I’d had services and products designed based on my first instincts, not based on what people need and want. And without feedback, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. We need to hear from others in our career and in our lives.

Now, feedback is not an excuse for someone to constantly put you down or tell you what to do. And feedback should never be hurtful in nature. Feedback is also not the chance for you to give up the reins again out of fear and let other people guide your life.

It’s your show. It’s your journey. It’s your life.

But the feedback you receive from others can help guide you into becoming a better coworker, friend, partner, person, etc.

So why does it feel so gosh darn bad when someone gives us feedback?

Getting feedback or constructive criticism can trigger our survival instinct. Remember when we discussed our biological instinct to belong and be a part of a tribe? When someone gives us feedback, suggests we’re doing something wrong, or implies we’re not perfect 😱, it sparks fear in our DNA.

“Oh no, we no longer belong. Our tribe doesn’t think we’re good enough. They don’t like us anymore!”

But, in many cases, that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s important to take a deep breath, step back, and try to look at the situation from the other person‘s point of view.

If it’s your boss giving you feedback about your work or a project, even if you disagree, it’s important to listen and take in what they’re saying. After all, you report to them and must work to build a strong, or at least functional, relationship.

If your friend gives you feedback, don’t automatically ignore what they have to say. Where are they coming from? If you don’t understand, take the time to ask more questions. How does what you’re doing make them feel? What could you do to change that?

Of course, some feedback will be good and some will be bad, and it’s not up to you to change everything about yourself to become what other people want. But it is up to you to hear people out. And what’s most important is that you use the information you receive from other people to help better yourself.

Getting used to receiving and utilizing constructive criticism takes time and practice. If you want to get better at it, begin intentionally asking for it.

Get in a good headspace and ask the people around you, such as your boss, your friends, or a family member, to provide you with feedback. It could be about something specific or about your relationship with that person and how you communicate.

Use this simple format: Ask people what they like, what they don’t like, and what they might change. Hearing feedback from your peers, friends, and family members more frequently will help you become more comfortable with it.

You won’t be thrown off guard and feel like you’re tossed out in the cold the next time someone makes a suggestion. You’ll be used to feedback, and even if you don’t agree at the time, you’ll be able to take it in stride and see it for what it is—simple feedback, which is an opportunity to learn. It’s not a personal slight or an indication that you no longer belong.

I’ve only scratched the surface of this topic in this article. A fear of being judged is so hard to get over because it is deeply ingrained in every one of us. That desire to belong and that desperate need for a tribe is not going away, but you can help manage these negative feelings to ensure fear doesn’t rule your life.

I’m glad you made it this far, but please, don’t stop here.

In my full How to Overcome Fear of Being Judged course, which is available inside Fearless You , I dig deeper and share additional insights we didn’t have time to cover here. Throughout this course, I also share more personal stories from my own life, as well as stories about clients who have overcome their fear of being judged.

Continue practicing these strategies and implementing them in your daily life and routine. Save this article, and whenever you need a refresher, come back here to remind yourself of all that you’re striving for.

Cracking Your Fear of Being Judged With Fearless Living

Deciphering the code to your fear of being judged is only a tiny aspect of what we discuss in the Fearless Living community. A Fearless You membership gives you access to the entire How to Overcome Fear series, which covers the 10 most common fears, such as Fear of Failure , Fear of Rejection, Fear of Loss, and more.

As long as you have a Fearless You membership , the How to Overcome Fear Series will be available to you, along with dozens of other courses, lessons, and live sessions. The complete Fearless You library will be a few clicks away as you continue your journey toward living the life your soul intended.™

Learn more about Fearless You and continue following the Fearless Living blog for free weekly content on everything from How You Can Start Living Your Dream Life to How to Follow Your Intuition to How to Forgive Even When It Feels Impossible .

A Preview of My Memoir: The Father's Day That Changed Everything

The first draft of my fifth book, my memoir, is ready! It is my most vulnerable and heart-revealing book to date. This is a preview...

Privacy vs. Secrecy: How to Recognize the Difference

Do you know the difference between being private and secretive? Learn how to tell the difference and whether or not you are falling back on...

From Fear to Freedom

Download the Complete Guide — it’s Free!

Discover how fear is secretly sabotaging your success and happiness

fearless you

Fearless leader, let’s connect, day 30: let me introduce you to yourself.

It’s time to celebrate. You did it. Oh how good you’ll feel when you’ve practiced the 30 tools laid out for you in Change Your Life in 30 Days. You’ll feel more yourself than you’ve ever felt before. You’ll be more empowered and powerful knowing these tools are at your fingertips. Bottom line: your relationships will be filled with more love, your worth will skyrocket, your confidence will increase and your dreams will have wings. Your toolbox is full. Your mindset is fearless. Now, go on. Live your Fearless Life.

Day 29: Heaven

Take a breath. A nice deep one. We are going to talk about heaven together. Not the one with God sitting on a cloud, but the heaven that exists right where you are. The heaven tat shows up when we live by our commitments. In Day 29, I’ve created a commitment statement that will anchor you as you move forward in living more fearlessly. It will inspire you, and yes, even motivate you. More important, it will remind you who you really are. This is a favorite amongst my students.

Day 28: Beautiful You

Beautiful isn’t a word most people take on easily. They can call other people beautiful but when I ask them to think of themselves that way, they pause, get confused and may even blush. It’s okay. Owning your beauty isn’t something you were probably taught to do. I know I wasn’t. Day 28 is about your beauty within and without and owning it. By the way, you are beautiful and I can’t wait for you to know it. For real.

Day 27: Redefining You

You’ve been on this journey with me for 27 days. And in those 27 days you’ve changed. For the better. You’re more…how do I say it? More YOU! And it’s time to take a moment and reflect on who you are now. It’s time to redefine who you are and how you want to move forward. Take a breath. This is all good.

Day 26: Never Confront Again

Have you ever avoided having a difficult conversation? Me too. Until I learned this surprising simple mindset that eliminates confronting anyone ever again that I will share with you in Day 26. Plus, I’m going to give you a step-by-step script to show you what to do instead. Your new mindset along with the script will make any conversation you’ve been avoiding way easier. Soon, there will be no conversation too scary for you to have. It’s time to speak up.

Day 25: Forget Motivation

If I give you a hyped up pep speech, you might feel motivated. For a while. But I bet not long enough to get the job done. And that’s the problem with motivation created by an outside force. In Day 25, I’m going to show you what to focus on instead that will give you more long-term results and long-term contentment. Sounds nice, right?

Day 24: What’s Love Got To Do With It

Your yearnings and desires come from wanting to share more of who you are. Self love is what helps you do that by giving you the permission (and worth) to push past your fears and reach for your dreams. But often, it’s doesn’t feel okay to love yourself. It’s feels selfish or greedy. No more. In Day 24, you’ll get the permission you need to go after anything that you want because you’ll know how to love yourself (and you have a right to your dreams.)

Day 23: For or Against

Is the world for you or against you? I know you want to believe the world is for you yet, I bet, based on what you discover in Day 23, you’ll soon see how often you get tricked into believing, and reacting, as if the world is against you. When you feel like the world is against you, it becomes a world filled with lack and that’s no way to live. In Day 23, I will give you a tool that will give you eyes to see that the world is, indeed, for you.

Day 22: The Gift of Rejection

Rejection is hard to face. And it’s a part of life. Usually, it isn’t personal, even when it feels personal. On Day 22, I will be asking you to go beyond the normal surface experience and instead, see yourself through heart of your humanity. Yes. You are human. Yes. Things happen. And yes. You will be rejected. And it’s all good. It might be hard to see it now, but soon, being thankful for rejection will be effortless. Let me show you the tools to use to make this so.

Day 21: Luck, Fate and Destiny

I’m going to blow your mind on Day 21 because I’m asking you to give up luck. Yep. No more luck. On Day 21 I will tell you why and more important, what to do instead. This will give you such relief and make you feel so powerful. Success is within your grasp when you give up luck and embody the tools I share here.

Day 20: Momentum

Let’s keep the momentum going. In Day 20, you’ll revisit the last 10 days to give yourself credit for the hard work you’ve been doing plus, remind yourself of what’s ahead. Without momentum, we lose hope and lose our inspired action. When you have momentum, the bumps of life don’t seem so rough.

Day 19: Forgiveness

Is there a part of you stuck in the past? For over 20 years of my life, I couldn’t get past my past because I didn’t know how to forgive so I refused to. Have you refused to forgive someone in your past whose hurt you? Maybe that person is even yourself? If the past is running your present, you’ll create a future that looks a whole lot like the past. In Day 19, I will take you by the hand and show you how to forgive the past for good. There’s freedom here. I promise.

Day 18: Intuition

Do you know the difference between the voice of fear and the voice of your intuition? Not sure? Day 18 is going to make it crystal clear to you so you can take inspired action. When you know you’re guided by something larger than you, it’s easy to be motivated and trust yourself. The ability to follow your intuition is necessary for true happiness. You’ll find out how here.

Day 17: Excuses

Are you so good at making up excuses you’re confusing them with the facts? You’re not alone. Most people want to show me proof that their excuses are real. I let them. But after I share the tools in Day 17, you won’t want to because you’ll see that a fight for your excuses is a fight for a less than fearless life.

Day 16: The Myth of Balance

The search for balance has become epidemic and based on the amount of magazine articles and books written on the subject, we are failing miserably in our quest for the perfect balance. What if you could create the balance you need to achieve your biggest dreams? In Day 16, I’m going to ask you to give up your search for balance and instead, use this new tool to help you reach your goals.

Day 15: Trusting Heart

Do you ever feel like you can’t really trust the people around you? Has someone you love let you down? Has your heart been broken too many times? What would you say if I told you that trusting others isn’t about them at all but about trusting yourself? In Day 15, you’ll learn a whole new way to trust yourself, and others, so you can finally experience a deeper and more authentic intimacy with those that matter.

Day 14: Liar, Liar

Do you ever find yourself lying to make a situation better? Lying seems harmless enough, especially those little white lies. But those lies erode our self-respect and cause us to doubt ourselves. You might be surprised to learn that honesty isn’t always the answer to lying. Day 14 will give you a pathway out of lies and false honesty to create clear conversations that create more connection in all your relationships.

Day 13: The Power of Word

Do your words empower you or disempower you? Words are slippery and unless we become aware of what comes out of our mouths, more than we’d like, the words we use every day are ruining our chances for success. In Day 13, I will show you which words to eliminate and which words will boost your confidence.

Day 12: Ask for What You Want

What do you really want? No, really? It’s hard to ask for what you want from the person you want it from most, isn’t it? So much at stake. It’s scary to ask for something without any guarantee of satisfactory results. But it is necessary for you to be free. In Day 12, I will show you how to ask for what you want without feeling bad, selfish or guilty.

Day 11: Regrets

Regrets are deadly to our self-esteem, stifle our ability to act and keep us stuck in the past. Until we let go of our regrets, there is little hope for a different future. Day 11 is going to give you the tools to let regret go for good.

Day 10: Integration

It’s time to make sure you “got this.” Not just in theory but in practice. Integrating the tools each step of the way guarantees you can use them again and again now and forever. No matter what lies ahead these tools will be in your toolbox at the ready to set you free from any fear. I will put you through a drill to help you own that you’re doing better than you think you are.

Day 9: Shine Your Light

Have you ever secretly wished you could shout from the rafters: this is who I really am? But instead, did you find yourself putting your success down or unable to speak up when you most wanted to? Day 9 will show you how to give up judging yourself and learn how to shine your light. It’s integral to your ability to say YES to you!

Day 8: The Freedom of Discipline

When you use the power of discipline fueled by your true nature, it becomes an act of love. Let me show you the way to access a truer, more loving kind of discipline that will not make you rigid, strict or stuffy. When you access discipline because you want to, not because you have to, you’ll have more ease, grace and freedom.

Day 7: Are You Making It Up or Is It True?

Want more peace of mind? When I want to launch into full-on attack mode or shut myself down and hide or defend myself, this sentence brings me back to center and allows me to respond, instead of react. Your life is about to get a whole lot better.

Day 6: Stretch, Risk, or Die

Have you ever felt utterly stuck? It’s probably because you didn’t take into account the emotional toll it takes to break bad habits. (Logic alone isn’t enough.) My super secret tool guarantees that you will start taking action on the things that have felt insurmountable in the past. It’s easier than you think.

Day 5: Affirmations, Intentions, and Goals

Have you felt like a complete failure when it comes to affirmations? Me too. I’m going to show you why. Oh, and did you know that goals serve intentions, not the other way around? This is where most success gets sidetracked. I will show you when to use which tool and how to maximize your success.

Day 4: Purpose and Passion

Without purpose, passion can feel out of control and even, crazy. Without passion, purpose can seem dull and uninviting. Purpose and Passion must work hand-in-hand to light you up, inspire others and set your life on its Fearless Path. Day 4 will show you how.

Day 3: Building Your Confidence Muscle

Have you ever wanted more confidence? Day 3 will show you to own the confidence you have had in the past and how to create the confidence you need any time you need it. With confidence, all things are possible.

Day 2: Give Credit Where Credit is Due

Can you accept praise? If you have a hard time accepting compliments or giving yourself credit, Day 2 will give you a tool that will allow you to honor your hard work as well as allow you to receive love from others. (Wouldn’t that be nice.)

Day 1: A New Beginning

The truth is you can have it all. You can have the external things you crave while fulfilling your soul’s desires if you can answer ‘yes’ to these five questions.

Download the Complete Guide — it’s free!

First Name *

Blog Details

13 simple ways to overcome your fear of being judged by others.

It’s a balmy summer evening, and you’re at a rooftop party with a group of your dearest friends.

As the sun settles, the skyline is ablaze with shades of orange and pink. You’re surrounded by good people and good vibes. But then it hits you: an invisible weight on your shoulders.

You can’t shake off the thought that everyone at the party is judging you , picking apart your words and your appearance.

If you’ve experienced this, you’re not alone. The fear of being judged by others is a universal human experience.

But there’s good news: you can move past this fear. In this article, we’ll explore 13 ways to overcome your fear of being judged by others:

1) Embrace yourself, imperfections and all

Salvador Dali once (wisely) said: “Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.” And let’s just say he was really onto something.

It’s important that we remind ourselves that nobody is perfect. Yes, nobody.

Not you, not your best friend, not even that seemingly flawless influencer gracing your Instagram feed.

Our imperfections can be endless sources of creativity, humor, and resilience.

In my experience, my quirks have allowed me to see the world from a unique and different perspective, which has sparked creativity and new ideas.

My imperfections have also served as a much-needed source of laughter, at times — both for myself and for those around me.

Plus it can be a powerful act of self-compassion to say, “Yes, I may have these weird parts, but they are a part of me, and I love myself anyway.”

This radical act of self-love is the foundation upon which I have created meaningful and authentic connections with others.

So, it’s particularly important to fully embrace your quirks and flaws, and to do it on the regular.

Just think of your imperfections to be a kind of secret sauce for your uniqueness. They’re what make you, you. They make you human.

Besides, who wants to be in the company of someone who is so perfect they don’t feel like a real human?

As Dali said, don’t aim for perfection. We would just like to add one thing to his advice: aim for growth.

2) Practice self-compassion whenever you can

If you often feel like you’re being judged by others , it pays to be as kind to yourself as you are to your closest friend or family member.

Whenever they make a mistake or fail to meet a certain standard, you don’t criticize them, do you? So why do that to yourself?

Instead, work on self-compassion. Lean into cultivating a deep sense of empathy when it comes to thinking about yourself and the things that you do.

Treat yourself with the same love and understanding you offer to someone that you care deeply about. After all, you’re doing your best, and that’s more than anyone can ever hope for.

3) Cut down on social media usage

Social media can be a breeding ground for comparison and judgment. A study in Feminist Media Studies found that social media can increase our feeling of being judged, even by those we consider to be close friends.

If you often feel like you’re being judged , why not limit your time on your favorite social media platforms?

Or if this proves to be too difficult, edit your feeds and the accounts you’re following to include content that inspires and supports you rather than triggers feelings of self-criticism or insecurity. You’ll thank yourself for it.

4) Reflect on all your wins

It’s important to counter feelings of judgment and criticism by taking pride in your accomplishments, no matter how minimal they might seem.

That’s right — it’s time for you to be your very own hype man.

These wins could be as simple as completing a task at work, stepping out of your comfort zone with a new hobby, or simply showing kindness to someone on the street.

Celebrating your wins is the best way of reminding you of your capabilities as a human being and supercharging your self-esteem.

You can do this by keeping a regular journal — which we’ll go into shortly — sharing updates with friends or family, or reflecting on your wins as you go about your daily business.

Whichever way you choose to do it, making this practice part of your day is a surefire way to build yourself up and make you feel less vulnerable to any anxieties about being judged.

5) Surround yourself with supportive, caring people

With time, I’ve come to learn that the people I surround myself with can hugely impact my joy, growth, and overall well-being.

Plus I’ve discovered that it’s not just about having a social circle, it’s about curating one that uplifts and supports me, instead of tearing me down.

For a while, I didn’t fully understand the importance of this. I used to believe that any connection or friendship was better than none at all.

As time went on, I began to notice the massive toll that negative relationships were taking on me, so I made the decision to reevaluate who I was choosing to spend my time with.

I started seeking out people who genuinely cared about my well-being, those who celebrated my wins and offered a shoulder during tough times. In turn, I made sure I offered them the same kindnesses.

It’s always important to choose your tribe wisely. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you, rather than people who judge you.

6) Sometimes, it’s not all about you

Have you ever heard the “Spotlight Effect” come up in conversation? Imagine being in a room where a spotlight shines down on you, making you feel as if you’re the center of attention.

This phenomenon is what psychologists call the spotlight effect . It refers to our tendency to overestimate how much others notice and judge us.

In reality, people are way too busy dealing with their own lives, problems, and insecurities to actually divert their attention to us.

I’ve noticed that this way of thinking often casts a harsh and unforgiving light on our perceived flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings. It magnifies our self-doubt and self-consciousness .

Fortunately, becoming aware of this has been very liberating for me. It has allowed me to step out of this negative framework and into a more forgiving, compassionate view of myself.

7) Practice mindfulness every day

Mindfulness helps you stay grounded in the present moment, plus it can be a powerful tool for overcoming the fear of judgment.

Mindfulness can help you break free from the shackles of constant worry about others’ opinions.

It encourages you to be engaged with the present, embracing life as it unfolds instead of being unhealthily preoccupied with what others may or may not be thinking.

You can begin your journey into mindfulness with easy breathing exercises. Start by finding a quiet space. Sit comfortably, and take slow, deep breaths. Pay full attention to each inhale and exhale.

Focusing on your breath helps anchor you in the present, calming any racing thoughts you might have about judgment.

8) Set realistic expectations for yourself

One common source of fear of judgment is by setting impossibly high expectations for yourself. While striving for excellence can be a great motivator, expecting perfection can lead you to feeling paralyzed.

Besides, setting impossibly high expectations can create a constant sense of inadequacy, where you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough.

When you believe you must be perfect in every aspect of your life, you’re more likely to avoid taking risks, trying new things, or pursuing your passions.

This fear of falling short of your unrealistic standards can limit personal growth and your potential.

It’s entirely acceptable to not always be hitting the gold standard. Set realistic, achievable goals, and recognize that making mistakes and learning from them is all part of the process.

9) Reframe your read on things

It can be helpful to motivate yourself to see judgment as helpful, thoughtful feedback rather than as harsh criticism.

I’m a firm believer in the power of constructive criticism as a catalyst for growth. Receiving constructive criticism isn’t always easy, trust me.

It might sting at first, triggering feelings of vulnerability or defensiveness, however, it’s important to note that criticism, when delivered constructively and kindly, can come from a place of care.

Genuinely constructive feedback is not meant to tear us down, rather, it’s meant to build us up.

Instead of taking it too personally or dwelling on the negative aspects, I ask myself questions like: “What can I learn from these comments?” or “How can I use this to become a better version of myself?”

When you welcome judgment in this kind of curious and inquisitive way, it can help to take away some of that harshness. Instead, it becomes an opportunity to work on yourself in a positive manner.

10) Challenge any negative thoughts that arise

Your inner critic isn’t inherently bad. It’s actually a survival mechanism, rooted in evolutionary psychology , that once served an important purpose: keeping us alert to threats in our environment.

However, this inner critic can often misfire, interpreting normal situations as threats to our self-esteem .

When it comes to having anxieties about being judged, the inner critic can go into overdrive, making you believe that every look, word, or action from others is a critique.

But here’s the secret: it’s the inner critic amplifying these judgments, not the real world.

So it’s helpful to challenge these negative thoughts . Ask yourself, “Is there evidence that people are really judging me, or is this just my inner critic talking?”

More often than not, you’ll find that it’s the latter.

11) Find positive role models to look up to

Everybody needs a good role model in life, so be sure to look out for people who inspire you with their confidence and authenticity.

These role models can be friends, family members, public figures, or even fictional characters. Observe how they handle judgment and criticism, and take notes.

Surrounding myself with positive role models has been a transformative aspect of my personal growth journey. Positive role models instill in me a sense of hope and possibility.

One of the most motivating aspects of positive role models is their ability to lead by example. When I see how they move through life’s challenges with determination and resilience, it serves as a reminder that facing judgment is another part of our human experience.

12) Journal about your feelings of being judged

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a therapeutic way to process your fear of judgment. When you put your worries on paper, you can gain new insights, understanding, and perspective.

It’s like having a conversation with yourself, and sometimes, you’ll realize that what you’ve been fearing isn’t as huge as it had been built up in your mind.

I find that being able to express my thoughts and emotions on paper has helped me to transfer these worries from my mind to another space. This process is a huge release, and a learning process, too.

Through journaling, I’ve gained new insights into the patterns of my anxiety and started to identify my various themes and triggers. This in turn has allowed me to dig deeper and see the root causes of my preoccupation with feeling judged.

13) Get in touch with a professional

When I found myself weighed down by the fear of being scrutinized, I realized it was time to take action. So, I decided to take the brave step and find a therapist.

Opening up to someone about my fears and anxieties wasn’t easy, but I knew it was totally necessary for my mental well-being.

Through sessions, I’ve learned to challenge negative thoughts as they arise, build much-needed self-confidence, and develop healthier coping strategies.

If you find that your fear of judgment is massively affecting your life, it might be time to seek help from a qualified therapist or counselor, like I did. This way, you can discover tools and strategies to tackle this fear.

Remember, thinking that you’re being judged might feel like a natural instinct, but it doesn’t need to control your life or take over your life.

Everyone, at some point, has felt the weight of judgment, but it’s how you respond that matters. Surround yourself with kind, supportive people, practice mindfulness, and reframe your perspective.

Step out of your comfort zone, work on your resilience, and, above all, believe in your inherent worth as an individual.

It might take time, but the rewards are worth it— go ahead, embrace your uniqueness, and let your light shine bright.

Who’s your “Friends” alter-ego?

That’s it for the article, but before you leave…

Have you ever debated with your friends about which ‘Friends’ character you’re most like? Who out of Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe you really resonate with?

Well, now’s your chance to find out!

We’ve created a fun new quiz which matches you with your Friends alter-ego. Answer a few simple questions and we’ll match you with the character that truly matches your personality.

Ready to find out who you’d be hanging out with at Central Perk?

Take the quiz by clicking here.

Academics & Students

Thesis Editing Services for Students
Journal Article Editing For Academics
Essay Editing Services for Students
Academic Proofreading

Authors & Publishers

Book Editing Services for Authors
Book Proofreading Services for Authors
Manuscript Assessment
Author Packages

Businesses & Professionals

Business Editing
Business Proofreading

Quick Links

How It Works
Testimonials
Quality Assurance
Confidentiality
Education Reviews
Affiliate Disclosure

Social Anxiety
>> Fear of Judgement – What If They Really ARE Judging You?

Fear of Judgement – What If They Really ARE Judging You?

Imagine walking down a busy street. You see a group of people, two men and two women, up ahead. As you get closer they burst into laughter.

What’s your first thought?

If you have social anxiety, there’s a good chance you’ll assume they are laughing at you .

This is probably followed by a debate between the insecure and logical parts of your brain…

“They’re laughing at me!”

“Of course they aren’t, don’t be silly.”

“Maybe you’re right…but I think one of them looked at me strangely…”

“Why would they be laughing at you? You’re just walking down the street!”

In a situation like this, the most common advice is to ignore the insecure part of your brain . People usually aren’t judging you, so there’s no point worrying about it. And this is true – most of the time.

But what if the other person is judging you? Or that group across the street really are laughing at you?

What to do if someone is silently judging you

Despite what our brain tells us, most people are generally nice. If they think negatively of you they often won’t say anything. Many people won’t let it affect their behaviour either.

But if you’re sure someone to silently judging you, what should you do?

First of all, we need to understand what a fear of judgement is really about.

This fear, in most cases, is a reflection of our own insecurities. We tend to judge other people based on what we think is acceptable or embarrassing – and we judge ourselves by the same criteria.

So when you fear someone is judging you, what you’re really doing is judging yourself AND the other person.

You assume you’ve done something that is going to cause a negative judgement. This is a reflection of your own fears.
You assume the other person feels the same way about that action and will also judge you. This is a projection of your own thoughts onto someone else.

Of course, these two assumptions are often incorrect.

We also judge people based on half truths and incomplete information

For example, you might see a couple sitting in silence at a restaurant and think “how awkward!”

But the couple might feel differently. They may be comfortable sitting quietly together. Or maybe they enjoy eating in silence so they can focus on the tasty food.

Whatever the reason, we judge people by constructing a reality we think exists in our mind. But this is just our interpretation of reality – and everyone has their own.

Also, think about how long your judgements last. Do you continue to think about them for days after? Or are they formed quickly and then forgotten?

For most minor events, judgements are easily forgotten

It’s natural to form a snap opinion. It’s also natural to forget them.

What does this mean if you are being judged though?

By being aware of how quickly you form judgements – and how meaningless they are – you can start to change your view about whether silent judgement from other people really matters.

Judgements which aren’t acted upon don’t mean anything. They are quickly formed – and even more quickly forgotten . You know this when you judge other people and there’s no reason to think anyone judging you is different.

People will judge you. It’s a fact of life. And the more you put yourself out there, the more you will be judged.

But these judgements don’t really exist. They aren’t concrete in any way. They are nebulous…fleeting…and easily forgotten.

So why dwell on them?

Of course, silent judgements are one thing…

But judgements spoken out-loud can be more difficult to handle

If someone is constantly putting you down…telling you you’re lazy, boring or too quiet…

Then the simplest answer is that this person doesn’t deserve to be part of your life.

I’m not saying you should immediately stop seeing them. You should talk to them about their constant judgements first. But if they refuse to change, or just don’t seem to be able to stop, then you probably need to cut them out of your life.

It sounds harsh…

But there are billions of kind people out there. Life is too short to be around someone putting you down – especially when you’re trying to overcome social anxiety.

What if you can’t stop seeing them though?

There are certain people who you can’t stop spending time with. In this case you have several options.

The first is to minimise contact with them as much as possible.

Second, try to remember that this person’s judgements are based on their own insecurities. They don’t mean anything – and they don’t exist in any real way if you don’t let them affect you .

So let’s summarise this article.

Most of the time people aren’t judging you. And when they are, they are almost never judging you as harshly as you do yourself.
Our judgements are usually based on our own insecurities or fears. They are also formed with assumptions and are quickly forgotten.
If our own judgements are like this, there’s no reason to think other people’s judgements are just as meaningless.
If someone expresses their judgements to you, either directly or via their actions, they don’t deserve to be part of your life.

So next time you hear someone laugh in the street…it’s true that they might be laughing at you. But this judgement isn’t a real thing, and it’s quickly forgotten. It certainly shouldn’t be something you allow to affect you.

I’m not saying this mindset shift is easy. It’s not. But understanding what judgements really are can help to overcome the hold they have on your life.

Alex Barker

I suffered with social anxiety for over 10 years before finally finding a system that worked for me. Now, after studying psychology, the best books in the field and a range of other resources, I' m here to share what I've found. My goal is to help people like you gain confidence, friends, romantic partners and even improve your career...all by overcoming social anxiety.

754-333-1484
[email protected]
2419 East Commercial Blvd. #203, Fort Lauderdale, FL 33308

Fear of Being Judged

In this blog series I will be discussing the three most common fears that often keep people stagnant from taking the next step to improve their lives: 1. fear of being judged (which I will talk about in this blog post), 2. fear of the unknown, and 3. fear of losing control. These fears often prevent you from making decisions and taking action that would likely result in a positive outcome. Throughout the years of being a therapist in private practice, I’ve seen that these are common repetitive themes among clients.

It’s Scary to Feel Judged

“Am I making the right decision?” “What will others think?” When we are afraid of what others think about us, it can certainly make us feel unsure of ourselves. That fear of being looked at in a negative way makes us question every decision, be worried we’ll make the wrong choice, or regret that we already have done those things. When you are repeatedly met with a lack of approval, you are at risk of losing self-worth, self-value, and self-trust. Your first instinct is to make decisions based on other people’s opinions and not what’s true to yourself. You end up tiptoeing that line of doing things for others as opposed to yourself and your own needs. You become stagnant, procrastinate, and neglectful of your own priorities. You lose sight of what’s actually important to you.

When your decisions are not based on your own values, beliefs, and priorities, your life isn’t your own anymore. It holds you back from making confident decisions and you spend most of your time worrying, rather than doing. You doubt everything you do and lose sight of who you are and what you care about.

Judging Yourself

Sometimes that deep rooted fear comes from how we view ourselves. It may have started with external criticism, but when we become too hard on ourselves, it leads to self-doubt, low self-esteem, and a lack of confidence. Do you often feel like you’re never good enough? When you are afraid of failing and disappointing yourself, you end up feeling stuck. Positive change and growth only happen when we allow ourselves to fail and make mistakes. We have to accept the outcome, learn from it, and not judge ourselves for trying.

Criticism Will Always Exist

We will never be able to eliminate feedback from self or others, so we need to accept that criticism will always exist. Rather than thinking criticisms are negative, shift your mindset to either let it go if it’s not helpful, or if it is helpful and useful, then take the opportunity to learn and grow from it. Use that criticism, don’t fear it. If someone repeatedly gives you unhelpful or disrespectful criticism, you can tell them that (especially if it is outside of the context of work). While you can’t control how they respond, you can decide how you interact with them moving forward. Just don’t give them control of your thoughts and actions.

It’s often the unknown of what others think that is scary. We imagine what others will say or think, rather than living in the present, and end up making decisions based on how we think others will react. Any time we make a decision, there are unknowns ahead of us. We can either make decisions based on our own thoughts and values, or make decisions based on what others think or prefer. But either way, we’ll never be able to control the future. As part of this blog series, the next blog post will be about fear of the unknown where I will talk more about letting go of trying to predict the future which further feeds into stagnation.

Learn to Start Trusting Yourself

If you are struggling with anxiety and being judged, therapy can help you learn to trust your instincts and believe in yourself. If you live in New York or Florida, Dr. Heather Violante offers online therapy so you can feel better and improve your life.

← How to Make Friends as an Adult
Fear of the Unknown →

Bipolar Disorder
Therapy Center
When To See a Therapist
Types of Therapy
Best Online Therapy
Best Couples Therapy
Managing Stress
Sleep and Dreaming
Understanding Emotions
Self-Improvement
Healthy Relationships
Student Resources
Personality Types
Sweepstakes
Guided Meditations
Verywell Mind Insights
2024 Verywell Mind 25
Mental Health in the Classroom
Editorial Process
Meet Our Review Board
Crisis Support

How to Overcome a Fear of Rejection

Stavros Constantinou / Getty Images

How to Overcome Fear of Rejection

Common Behaviors

Psychological Outcomes

Frequently asked questions.

The fear of rejection is a powerful feeling that often has a far-reaching impact on our lives. Most people experience some nerves when placing themselves in situations that could lead to rejection, but for some people, the fear becomes overwhelming.

This fear can have many underlying causes. An untreated fear of rejection may worsen over time, leading to greater and greater limitations in a person's life.

This article discusses how to overcome your fear of rejection, and also how rejection sensitivity can affect your life and behavior.

Get Help Now

We've tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

If you are experiencing a fear of rejection, there are steps you can take to learn how to cope better and stop this fear from negatively impacting your life. You may find the following strategies helpful for learning how to overcome a fear of rejection.

Improve Your Self-Regulation Skills

Self-regulation refers to your ability to identify and control your emotions and behaviors. It also plays an important role in overcoming your fear of rejection. By identifying negative thoughts that contribute to feelings of fear, you can actively take steps to reframe your thinking in a way that is more optimistic and encouraging.

Face Your Fears

Avoidance coping involves managing unpleasant feelings by simply avoiding the things that trigger those emotions. The problem with this approach is that it ultimately contributes to increased feelings of fear. Instead of getting better at dealing with your fear of rejection, it makes you even more fearful and sensitive to it.

So instead of avoiding situations where you might experience rejection, focus on putting yourself out there and tackling your fear. Once you have more experience facing your fear , you'll begin to recognize that the consequences are less anxiety-provoking than you anticipated. You'll also gain greater confidence in your own abilities to succeed.

Cultivate Resilience

Being resilient means that you are able to pick yourself up after a setback and move forward with a renewed sense of strength and optimism. Strategies that can help foster a greater sense of resilience include building your confidence in your own abilities, having a strong social support system, and nurturing and caring for yourself. Having goals and taking steps to improve your skills can also give you faith in your ability to bounce back from rejection.

Taking steps to overcome your fear of rejection can help minimize its detrimental impact on your life. Learning how to manage your emotions, taking steps to face your fears, and cultivating a strong sense of resilience can all help you become better able to tolerate the fear of rejection.

Where It Can Impact Your Life

Although not every person experiences the fear of rejection in the same way, it tends to affect the ability to succeed in a wide range of personal and professional situations.

Job Interviews

Fear of rejection can lead to physical symptoms that can sometimes be interpreted as a lack of confidence. Confidence and an air of authority are critical in many positions, and those experiencing this fear often come across as weak and insecure. If you have a fear of rejection, you may also have trouble negotiating work-related contracts, leaving valuable pay and benefits on the table.

Business Dealings

In many positions, the need to impress does not end once you have the job. Entertaining clients, negotiating deals, selling products, and attracting investors are key components of many jobs. Even something as simple as answering the telephone can be terrifying for people with a fear of rejection.

Meeting New People

Humans are social creatures, and we are expected to follow basic social niceties in public. If you have a fear of rejection, you may feel unable to chat with strangers or even friends of friends. The tendency to keep to yourself could potentially prevent you from making lasting connections with others.

First dates can be daunting, but those with a fear of rejection may experience significant anxiety. Rather than focusing on getting to know the other person and deciding whether you would like a second date, you might spend all of your time worrying about whether that person likes you. Trouble speaking, obsessive worrying about your appearance, an inability to eat, and a visibly nervous demeanor are common.

Peer Relationships

The need to belong is a basic human condition, so people often behave in ways that help them fit in with the group. While dressing, speaking, and behaving as a group member is not necessarily unhealthy, peer pressure sometimes goes too far. It could lead you to do things you're not comfortable with just to remain part of the group.

The fear of rejection can affect many different areas of life, including your success in the workplace and your relationships with friends and romantic partners.

How It Affects Your Behavior

When you have a fear of rejection, you may engage in behaviors focused on either covering up or compensating for this fear.

Lack of Authenticity

Many people who are afraid of rejection develop a carefully monitored and scripted way of life. Fearing that you will be rejected if you show your true self to the world, you may live life behind a mask. This can make you seem phony and inauthentic to others and may cause a rigid unwillingness to embrace life’s challenges.

People-Pleasing

Although it is natural to want to take care of those we love, those who fear rejection often go too far. You might find it impossible to say no, even when saying yes causes major inconveniences or hardships in your own life.

If you are a people-pleaser , you may take on too much, increasing your risk for burnout . At the extreme, people-pleasing sometimes turns into enabling the bad behaviors of others.

People with a fear of rejection often go out of their way to avoid confrontations. You might refuse to ask for what you want or speak up for what you need. A common tendency is to try to simply shut down your own needs or pretend that they don’t matter.

The fear of rejection may stop you from reaching your full potential. Putting yourself out there is frightening for anyone, but if you have a fear of rejection, you may feel paralyzed. Hanging onto the status quo feels safe, even if you are not happy with your current situation.

Passive-Aggressiveness

Uncomfortable showing off their true selves but unable to entirely shut out their own needs, many people who fear rejection end up behaving in passive-aggressive ways . You might procrastinate, "forget" to keep promises, complain, and work inefficiently on the projects that you take on.

The fear of rejection might drive you to engage in behaviors like passive-aggressiveness, passivity, and people-pleasing. It can also undermine your authenticity and make it difficult to be yourself when you are around others.

The fear of rejection leads to behaviors that make us appear insecure, ineffectual and overwhelmed. You might sweat, shake, fidget, avoid eye contact, and even lose the ability to effectively communicate. While individuals react to these behaviors in very different ways, these are some of the reactions you might see.

Ironically, the fear of rejection often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is well-known in pop psychology that confidence enhances attractiveness. As a general rule, the lack of self-confidence that is inherent in a fear of rejection makes us more likely to be rejected.

Research shows that confidence is nearly as important as intelligence in determining our income level.

Manipulation

Some people prey on the insecurities of others. Those who suffer from a fear of rejection may be at greater risk of being manipulated for someone else’s personal gain.

Expert manipulators generally come across as charming, suave, and caring—they know what buttons to push to make others trust them. They also know how to keep someone with a fear of rejection feeling slightly on edge, as if the manipulator might leave at any time. Almost invariably, the manipulator does end up leaving once they have gotten what they want out of the other person.

Frustration

Most people are decent, honest, and forthright. Rather than manipulating someone with a fear of rejection, they will try to help. Look for signs that your friends and family are trying to encourage your assertiveness, asking you to be more open with them, or probing your true feelings.

Many times, however, people who fear rejection experience these efforts as emotionally threatening. This often leads friends and family to walk on eggshells , fearful of making your fears worse. Over time, they may become frustrated and angry, either confronting you about your behavior or beginning to distance themselves from you.

A Word From Verywell

If you find that fear of rejection is negatively affecting your life and causing distress, it may be time to seek out psychotherapy . This can help you explore and better understand some of the underlying contributions to your fear and find more effective ways to cope with this vulnerability.

Past experiences with rejection can play a role in this fear. People who experience greater levels of anxiety or who struggle with feelings of loneliness , depression, self-criticism, and poor self-esteem may also be more susceptible.

Talking to people can be challenging if you have a fear of rejection. The best way to deal with it is to practice talking to others regularly. Remind yourself that everyone struggles with these fears sometimes and every conversation is a learning opportunity that improves your skills and confidence.

Some signs that you fear rejection include constantly worrying about what other people think, reading too much into what others are saying, going out of your way to please others, and avoiding situations where you might be rejected. You might also avoid sharing your thoughts and opinions because you fear that others might disagree with you.

Fear of rejection might be related to mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression. If your fear is affecting your ability to function normally and is creating distress, you should talk to your healthcare provider or a mental health professional.

Ding X, Ooi LL, Coplan RJ, Zhang W, Yao W. Longitudinal relations between rejection sensitivity and adjustment in Chinese children: moderating effect of emotion regulation . J Genet Psychol . 2021;182(6):422-434. doi:10.1080/00221325.2021.1945998

Ury W. Getting to Yes With Yourself and Other Worthy Opponents . HarperOne.

Epley N, Schroeder J. Mistakenly seeking solitude . J Exp Psychol Gen. 2014;143(5):1980-99. doi:10.1037/a0037323

Houghton K. And Then I’ll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First . Globe Pequot Press.

Potts C, Potts S. Assertiveness: How to Be Strong in Every Situation . Capstone.

Brandt A. 8 Keys to Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness: Strategies for Transforming Your Relationships for Greater Authenticity and Joy . W.W. Norton & Company.

Leary MR. Emotional responses to interpersonal rejection . Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 2015;17(4):435-41.

Judge TA, Hurst C, Simon LS. Does it pay to be smart, attractive, or confident (or all three)? Relationships among general mental ability, physical attractiveness, core self-evaluations, and income . J Appl Psychol . 2009;94(3):742-55. doi:10.1037/a0015497

Hopper E. Can helping others help you find meaning in life? . Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley.

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th Ed.). American Psychiatric Association.

By Lisa Fritscher Lisa Fritscher is a freelance writer and editor with a deep interest in phobias and other mental health topics.

Race and Ethnicity

Being misunderstood is painful, how to bear the burden of being misunderstood by others..

Posted March 29, 2014 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

One of the hardest burdens to bear is being misunderstood by other people. All of us, at one point or another, experience looking into the eyes of another person and realizing that he or she simply does not see us the way we see ourselves, and probably never will.

How you respond to being misunderstood will be the difference between spending a good deal of time trying to correct other people's misperceptions or being free to carry on with your life no matter what others think of you.

This choice came home to me in the first marathon I ever participated in. I was in the great city of Prague in the Czech Republic for my very first 26.2-mile race—a destination adventure I'd been planning (and training for) for well over a year. On the morning of the race, my running companion and I arrived at the starting area 45 minutes early. Or so we thought. We quickly realized that, although we were early, there should be more people milling around—more activity, more excitement.

A sneaking suspicion began to arise in both of us that we had made some kind of mistake, so we dug through my friend's bag for the paper with all of the race information on it and discovered, to our horror and deep disappointment, that we were not 45 minutes early at all. We were 15 minutes late!

In a rush, with heart rates soaring, we scurried to the starting line itself where a volunteer said, "Yes, you are late. Go now. Follow the course." Since the race was chip timed, although we'd missed our opportunity to run with the crowd, we could still do the race and get an accurate reading on how long it took us. So off we went.

We followed the course, which was cordoned off through the ancient city with temporary fences to keep bystanders from getting in the way of the runners. Along the cobbled streets we went, running faster than we'd trained in our attempt to close in on the back of the pack. And then, the worst thing possible happened: We lost our way.

Probably thinking that all the initial runners had come through, volunteers had begun taking down the fences that indicated the direction of the route. My companion and I stood in the midst of strangers—tourists and fans out to watch the beginning of the race—totally confused. There was no way to know where the runners had gone.

Suddenly, out from behind a building, a small group of fit, fast racers emerged. The route had somehow circled the downtown and was now about to cross a bridge to take runners into a more rural area along the Vltava River.

I looked at my friend. He looked at me. And with a nod, we agreed that we should jump in and follow these runners. We knew we were cutting off about three miles from the official route, but with no one to guide us, jumping in would make the best of an unfortunate situation. So jump in we did.

And the crowd went wild! "Boo! Cheaters! You suck!" they shouted at us. (Well, they were shouting in Czech, but I'm fairly sure that's what they were saying.)

We felt terrible—guilty and embarrassed. What had we just done?

After running in silent shame for a mile or so, we finally began to talk about what had just happened. "I've never cheated in a race before," my friend said.

"I've never cheated, period," I replied. I'd always been one of those people who would drive five miles to return a pen I accidentally walked out with after writing a check at a grocery store. The dark dishonor of what we'd done weighed us both down.

"What should we do?"

What could we do?

We brainstormed for a good long time about how to right our wrong and finally determined that we would finish the miles ahead of us, but when we crossed the finish line, we would not allow the medals to be placed around our necks. Instead, we would take them back to the hotel where a map of the course sat on the dresser. We would shower and get dressed. Then, with the course map in hand, we would solemnly walk the part of the course we had missed. And only when we finished that walk would we put on our medals.

And while this plan appeased our consciences, there was nothing at all we could do about the bad opinions of those who had booed and hissed at us when we jumped into the race. We had no power to find those people who saw us "cheat" and tell them: "Look, we really are good, honest people." No, we would have to live with the fact that there were people in the world who might always tell the story of the day they watched two runners cheat their way onto a marathon course in Prague.

And so it is. We'd have to let it go and know that we'd done the best we could to be true to our values.

Whether those who misunderstand you are strangers or family members, you have to choose what will drive your behavior: your own conscience or your fear of what others might think of you.

Choose your conscience. It lives inside of you and goes everywhere you go. Tolerating the fact that others believe you are dishonest/unkind/stingy/rude (fill in the blank) is not easy. It takes a great deal of self-control not to retrace your steps and try to constantly explain yourself so that people might see you the way you see yourself. But trust me, you'll never finish the race if you do that.

Cami Ostman, M.S. , is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Washington State and the author of Second Wind: One Woman's Midlife Quest to Run Seven Marathons on Seven Continents .

Find a Therapist
Find a Treatment Center
Find a Psychiatrist
Find a Support Group
Find Online Therapy
United States
Brooklyn, NY
Chicago, IL
Houston, TX
Los Angeles, CA
New York, NY
Portland, OR
San Diego, CA
San Francisco, CA
Seattle, WA
Washington, DC
Asperger's
Bipolar Disorder
Chronic Pain
Eating Disorders
Passive Aggression
Personality
Goal Setting
Positive Psychology
Stopping Smoking
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
Child Development
Self Tests NEW
Therapy Center
Diagnosis Dictionary
Types of Therapy

It’s increasingly common for someone to be diagnosed with a condition such as ADHD or autism as an adult. A diagnosis often brings relief, but it can also come with as many questions as answers.

Emotional Intelligence
Gaslighting
Affective Forecasting
Neuroscience

COMMENTS

The Fear of Being Judged in My Life
The essay "My Life with The Fear of Being Judged" delves into the author's personal experiences with shyness and social anxiety. While the essay has a clear focus and provides a personal perspective, there are several areas in which the writing could be improved. One issue with the essay is the organization.
Fear of judgement: why we are afraid of being judged
Overcoming fear of judgement. As fear of negative evaluation can worsen your performance, it is important to find ways to manage your anxiety of being judged. 1. Find out about yourself. The first step in overcoming fear of judgement is to find out more about yourself. Fear is a human emotion designed to protect us from harm, but once it starts ...
Confronting the Fear of Being Judged: A Step-by-Step Approach
The fear of being judged extends to various aspects of life, including sports, public speaking, and personal relationships, and is formally recognized as "fear of negative evaluation" [3]. This anxiety can lead to significant distress and avoidance behaviors, impacting one's quality of life [3].
How to Overcome Your Fear of Being Judged
3. Consider how often you judge others. When you talk about your fear of feeling judged, you're likely to hear a very common piece of advice: "No one is judging you. They're too concerned with themselves.". You might catch yourself thinking, "hey, but I do judge others sometimes!". The truth is, we all make judgments.
Are You Limited by the Fear of What Other People Think?
The fear of what other people think of us is like a cage. Over time you become so used to being inside that cage you eventually come to forget what the outside might be like. You resign yourself to living within its walls. By taking deliberate and purposeful action to overcome the fear of what others think of you, you slowly regain your freedom ...
15 Truths To Help You Overcome Your Fear Of Being Judged
You may not think so, but you have plenty of traits that others think highly of. Don't allow your fear of being negatively judged prevent you from being open to positive judgments. 7. People will judge you one way or another. Those people who can't help but judge others - they'll find a way to judge you whatever you do.
On Dealing with Fear: Stop Judging Yourself and Be
The truth is that I don't want to be cured. I want to be free to be who I am. And I want to face and release my fear of being judged for that, which I can only do if I stop being so hard on myself. Sometimes you have to take a deep breath, look into yourself without judgment, and just be honest with yourself about what's really scaring you.
How to Overcome Your Fear of External Judgement: Be ...
So let's take a moment to explore why you're afraid of being judged before we dive into how you can overcome this irrational fear that's holding you back. The Psychology Behind Why You're Afraid of Being Judged. Homo Sapiens are social animals. Since the root of our very existence, we've had an innate need for belonging.
"To Be (Judged), or Not to Be (Judged), That Is the Question."
The fear of being evaluated by the tribe as selfish and uncooperative motivates behaviors that ultimately sustain civilized society. In light of these arguments, fear of judgment from others can serve to keep us on the straight-and-narrow. Fear of negative evaluation is justified when it keeps us alive and society somewhat civilized.
Fear of Being Judged
The first tip to worrying less about being judged is to boost your own self esteem and sense of self worth. One way to do this is through daily affirmations for self esteem. Say things to yourself daily that remind you of your unique qualities and that you deserve to be treated with love and respect. It will be much harder to care what negative ...
114 Fear Essay Topic Ideas & Examples
In this article, we will explore 114 fear essay topic ideas and examples that you can use to explore how fear influences our lives and behaviors. The role of fear in decision-making. How fear can hinder personal growth. Overcoming the fear of failure. The fear of rejection and its impact on relationships. Fear of the unknown: how to navigate ...
How to Get Over the Fear of Being Judged by Others
When you surround yourself with people who get what you do, let go of your own self judgment, and learn to love your life without others' approval, you can let go of the fear and get on with sharing your special gifts with the world. Now it's time to turn this insight into action. Grab a notebook, and spend five to 10 minutes writing your ...
Anxiety about academic writing: I'm afraid
I'm afraid of being judged or criticized. I'm afraid that I'm not as smart or capable as other students. I'm feeling overwhelmed and I don't even know where to start. I'm already struggling in my class, and I'm afraid I'm going to fail this essay. If I don't pass the essay, I'll fail the course. If that happens, I may have to quit my program ...
Why We Judge Others and Ourselves
Instead of two people judging, accusing, and blaming each other, we can instead stop a negative inter-personal cycle and communicate on a deeper level. Noticing and validating the core emotions ...
Fear Series: How to Overcome Your Fear of Being Judged
Being afraid of being judged can cause immense heartache, so much that it can stop you from doing what you were meant to do. It can keep you from happiness, from pursuing your career, from love, from being who you want to be. Fear of being judged pulls you down and holds you back from your dreams and living the life your soul intended.™.
Social Anxiety Disorder
The defining feature of social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, is intense anxiety or fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in a social or performance situation. People with social anxiety disorder may worry about acting or appearing visibly anxious (e.g., blushing, stumbling over words), or being viewed as stupid ...
13 simple ways to overcome your fear of being judged by others
The fear of being judged by others is a universal human experience. But there's good news: you can move past this fear. In this article, we'll explore 13 ways to overcome your fear of being judged by others: 1) Embrace yourself, imperfections and all. Salvador Dali once (wisely) said: "Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach ...
Fear of Judgement
So when you fear someone is judging you, what you're really doing is judging yourself AND the other person. You assume you've done something that is going to cause a negative judgement. This is a reflection of your own fears. You assume the other person feels the same way about that action and will also judge you.
Fear of Being Judged
Serenity Lane. June 16, 2022. In this blog series I will be discussing the three most common fears that often keep people stagnant from taking the next step to improve their lives: 1. fear of being judged (which I will talk about in this blog post), 2. fear of the unknown, and 3. fear of losing control. These fears often prevent you from making ...
Fear of Rejection: How to Overcome This Common Fear
Talking to people can be challenging if you have a fear of rejection. The best way to deal with it is to practice talking to others regularly. Remind yourself that everyone struggles with these fears sometimes and every conversation is a learning opportunity that improves your skills and confidence.
Being Misunderstood Is Painful
Posted March 29, 2014|Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. One of the hardest burdens to bear is being misunderstood by other people. All of us, at one point or another, experience looking into the eyes of ...
Student fears of oral presentations and public speaking in higher
The 'fear of being judged', was clearly related to audience response and most participants expressed fears related to standing up in front of an audience. More recently, LeFebvre et al. ( Citation 2020 ) conducted a study addressing student public speaking anxiety through an introductory speaking course and found that 'memory glitches ...